Pyjames.blogspot.com

Anyway, about my 2011

2012-02-06T03:09:00.001+08:00

Super late. Oh well doubt anyone is gonna be reading nways. I'll just write so I can view back another time.

So, 2011. I started out this year declaring to myself that this is gonna be my an awesome year. Still however, my year didn't start out quite well. I was in a dire situation. I flunked my STPM, and that was just half of my problem. I have no direction with life, totally dependent on parents, and no idea what I plan to do in the future.

Long story short, on April Fool, Jason rang me up and say my result is qualified for degree. Thought it was a prank initially. lol. Then went down to nilai during weekend and voila. I got into INTI nilai. With zero hiccups.

The start of my uni life also meant a literally Chapter 2 in my life. I will be leaving home and to a place full of strangers. Seriously, When I went to INTI I only know 1 guy there, guess who. Things however, improved as I went along. And by the end of the year, INTI is like a second home already.

Over this year there are many firsts,

driving over 200miles one shot

time almost forgetting my birthday

time presenting to a ceo

time flicking

time getting paid for doing what i love

time getting an award for my passion

my very 1st jersey

and so on.

I would say taking the option of going to a place where I am almost alone wasn't a mistake. I was given the opportunity to discover what I really love and hate, and the opportunity to be a new person without the ties of the past.

A short photo montage of the year.

I actually participated in sports for real for once. And It's Ultimate Frisbee. Due to my bad stamina and not athletic lifestyle, it took me quite a long time to pick up this game. Still, a long journey to go to fully master it.

Got to know some awesome people as well through the game. Things they do really reminded me of high school days.

And thank you to those who took this pic with me. As a person with a camera, I tend to be out of shot a lot. And weirdly, I find myself camera shy at most times. Again, thanks for this picture ;)

Also, as life goes, there are times you felt you nearly got something, or found. And just at the last second as your heart skips a beat, it slips off your hand.

Of course, there are those down times as well. Time where we lost, fear and teared. When things slipped off our fingers or lost into the abyss taking our hopes and dreams along with it. Times, where I am reminded of how fragile humans are, and times where I learned to depend on God.

And among the pain and problems, we can always choose to give a laugh to the world. Shrug off the defeat and take it in, and never repeat the mistakes that made up those scars. There is so much in life worth laughing and smiling about, it's just a waste to dwell in sadness. Mourn for the lost dreams and pray for the greater others.

Without a doubt. This year had brought my dependency to God on a whole new level, as well as my relationship with Him. I find myself committing more and more to God, letting goes and just 'Let it be'. As one said, Que Sera Sera.

Love Never Fails. I will always hold this quote to heart after 2011.

For the moment and the near future perhaps, I suppose my relationship status would be as the picture above. There will always a lingering desire in me to find a partner where I could share my memories and moments with. But the desire just got a little lesser as the year progress. I will always be in love with the idea of being in love, just that right now, perhaps life wants my attention to be else where.

That's pretty much about it I guess. And this is it, a whole new year ahead. Quoted from a pastor, Best is now, Better is to come. And I know, much more better is coming my way.

"Make mistakes... fight, love...Live" - The Three Musketeers.

The women

2012-02-01T02:18:00.001+08:00

Hundreds of dewdrops to greet the dawn,
Hundreds of bees in the purple clover,
Hundreds of butterflies on the lawn,
But only one mother the wide world over.
-George Cooper

Thank you. And Happy Birthday Mom.

Anyway

2012-01-28T01:29:00.003+08:00

Through the strong winds and rough seas, I still believe.

That somewhere out there, there is still this person who is called the right one.

Thought of writing this out when I was scrolling through silhouette pics on deviantart.

It's the Chainese New Year

2012-01-25T18:34:00.000+08:00

Happy Eating too.

Just got back my Internet. Past few days been an internet black out. Line is super slow.

Assumption

2012-01-18T03:39:00.002+08:00

can be inaccurate sometimes.

Assumed nothing much will be going on this 2 weeks but turns out almost everything happened in this 2 weeks. Regret not bringing camera to INTI. = =

Oh wells.

Finally rained at 3.++ am. After 2 miserable hot days. Scumbag weather rains the night before of my 8am class.

The thing is

2012-01-11T04:01:00.001+08:00

remember I blogged about taking the plunge months ago?

Well

Nuff said.

Step 1 in the midst of 366 pages

2012-01-10T02:04:00.001+08:00

Eat healthily.

Yes, shocking isn't for a person who lives to eat.

Still, after much thought over the sem break, I do realize my habits now, many would have an accumulated effect in the future.

Of course I am well aware all along that my eating habit right now surely won't really give me a positive health sheet 10 years down the road. But it's time I have to take matters into hand. So, here's for the future, making commitment to start eating vege. For the people that I am gonna meet, for the job that I have to answer and for the family that I am going to have.

I think too far some of you may say, but then, kinda think of it, isn't all that I stated is what are we gonna face within 5 years? Pursuing a dream job or building a career, settling down and perhaps even taking care of parents. So yes, I am just plainly stating all of which would happen to us. Maybe not 5 years but definitely somehow.

Of course I could not guarantee that I would keep a perfect or good record, but things like this needs time. I need time. A habit is called a habit for a reason, and some changes are just not made overnight. It is however, as said, a commitment. So, fingers crossed and hope by coming Christmas, greens are part of my daily diet.

Been writing about my 2011. But internet speed is too slow for me to upload the pics. So have to put on hold for the moment.

Oh and about 2012. Sod off. I still want to live.

So, 2012

2012-01-02T14:08:00.002+08:00

Some say last Christmas was our last, Some say see you in 2013, All we know is, it's 2012. Still, as per usual, life goes on.

The perks of my generation, we can travel the world in our home.

Started out my new year attending church since it's Sunday. Actually struggled to stay awake through the sermon since I barely slept the night before.lol. Was just expecting a normal church service,lunch,home,nap routine, but then ended up in the new Riverside hotel grand ball room and laser tag with church friends.

The people!

1st time 2nd place. Shoot and kill.. MUAHAHAHAHAHA

Was wanting to post about 2011. Seriously what a year. But heck, lazy.

Round 2

2011-12-29T23:44:00.001+08:00

Fingers crossed. Overconfident of doing well in 1st sem caused me to slack off in 2nd sem. Just let me pass! *shivers*

Yesterdays

2011-12-27T01:49:00.000+08:00

Just no idea why, it came back. Still, just something temporary, bet it will subside soon enough. Still, que sera sera :)

Enough

Riding against the tide is suicidal. Just take it and go.

something beyond the rain

2011-12-17T23:41:00.004+08:00

Just not sure if the rain will ever stop. But hey, beats not believing it will at all.

Alright, I survived. Now I am back to living life. 1st off, came back Ipoh and immediately started eating again :D .. aww the awesome home cooked food.

Then got a chance to use my new flash gun. Used it for today's photoshoot for my ex-addmath teacher's wedding. Don't think I am using it to it's full potential yet. Still, much to learn much to understand, much to the taken in.

Raja Sehari

1st time being labelled as the official assistant photographer, wing man to the Groom's brother, who is the main photographer. There is even an angpau to boot, and honestly that angpau was very generous, shock the day lights out of me when I opened it.

Not that I am a super good photographer that is good enough to open a photoshooting studio, but then I am working on improving so to maybe, just maybe use it as a part time job. U know, where I would something of my interest and get paid at the same time. 2 birds with 1 stone. Booyah.

Perhaps. Still, let the future James figure it out.

Christmas soon and this holiday is gonna be like... TONS of photos to filter up. :D

Rivers and Roads

2011-12-14T01:46:00.004+08:00

by The Head and The Heart

a year from now we'll all be gone
all our friends will move away
and they're going to better places
but our friends will be gone away

nothing is as it has been
and i miss your face like hell
and i guess it's just as well
but i miss your face like hell

been talking bout the way things change
and my family lives in a different state
and if you don't know what to make of this
then we will not relate
so if you don't know what to make of this
then we will not relate

rivers and roads
rivers and roads
rivers 'til i reach you

something like an au lang syne, a song of goodbyes, just that this is more, well, deep i guess. Even the band name sounds good. Imo.

6hours30minutes to my Final Paper of this year.

Honestly? I think I did very bad this semester. Literally calculating minimum marks needed to pass. Been slacking off quite abit too. I regret bitterly as I see my coursework mark, regret, but not given up. Fight on like a mad man and now I can only cross my fingers and hope the mad dash effort for my finals was well worth the sacrifice.

I know it's my fault if I fail. Yet, Go easy on my conscious. I know I've been told to take the blame.

Been helluva ride this week, seriously. Gonna be absent minded after tomorrow 10am for at least a period of time. Gonna head back to my home, my safe heaven, where I can do all the figuring out that I want or perhaps just let things go and supplement the complexity with ignorance.

Simplicity is merely the absence of acknowledgement same goes to complexity is just the absence of ignorance.

Hmm .. pics will come soon! :D

The horror!

2011-12-12T02:53:00.001+08:00

Finals again. and then would be a long long break. Or a short break. Whatever.

Say my prayers, cross my fingers, and hold on to my notes for dear life. As usual, I just want to pass.

Guess I am quite stressed out since quite a few around me is telling me to stop being so stressed. And, I am having insomnia. Literally.

Blank

2011-12-07T16:44:00.001+08:00

Cause, I don't think there is anything else I can say.

Still, forget bout the previous post. It's just a sudden mood swing. Lasted few days, but yeah, with exams creeping in, there is no room for it.

Last weekend helped Ah Chai to keep his new widescreen. 2nd hand, but still in good condition. So.. well since it would be a waste just putting it there at the corner of my room, I decided to plug it into my laptop. And after a new place arrangement, and voilà!!

I dare say I am the ONLY guy at the moment in INTI with this configuration at my desk

My 2nd neighbor suspected that I am a hacker. Lol. I am not = =.

Blue sky. I am always amazed how perfect the blue is.

I may always seem like a simple minded fool,

in fact behind it all there is complexity.

I may seem racist and laugh about the jokes it make,

in fact when the veil is off, I have a strong desire to see my country, my home, united as one.

I may seem like a kid,

and perhaps I wanted to remain as one,

Skinned knees hurts less then broken hearts.

But as I look back through those experience I've gained,

I am already nearing an adult stage.

It is not your physical appearance, that makes you an adult.

It's what you've been through and how you think that counts.

Guess I will be one soon, no matter how I hide it.

And I have no plans to hide it anyways.

Time to take the truth to heart and live on. Live on for the dreams of tomorrow and pray that the road behind will always echo a song of the blessed.

Work hard and live fully.

When in doubt

2011-12-04T00:52:00.001+08:00

Just flick it.

I've been running and running. Away and further away. Although I've always said I've stopped running, but it never seems so, guess I've never really changed over this few years. It's been awhile since I have really faced off with reality. It's been awhile since I've had really touch the ground and feel the soil. Perhaps, just perhaps there is no such things as the right one, no such things of what is meant to be and whats not.

Not a day goes by without me thinking will it make a difference if I only did what I am suppose to do that evening. If I told you everything that was meant for your ears.

As days goes by without any progress in sight, I'm starting to believe less and less. Honesty is honestly the hardest thing for me right now, perhaps the principle i held onto all along is just a fabric of imagination cooked up by myself and philosophers. Let me dream a little more, let this infant in me live a while longer. Before it dies off, before I act like how I am suppose to be, before, I stop believing.

A little part of me died that day when I know I lost you. And I guess that has been me ever since for some time, pulling the other parts of me together, so it will not fall off.

I'm just saying.

It's a symphony

2011-12-01T02:30:00.001+08:00

Lighten up they say.

Such ignorance, Such arrogance.

Still, no matter how foolish it sounds like, I would always hold true to the phrase of dancing in the rain.

I no longer know what to think. It's just so not me, but I am at lost when I am around you. Heck. And I though feelings subsides.

Still,

Just keep smiling, smiling smiling...

Looking back

2011-11-26T03:21:00.001+08:00

It's been so long & so much.

and there is definitely so much more to live for.

Wonders how much longer will it take till I reach the end of this tunnel

So what

2011-11-21T02:28:00.001+08:00

I'm still not a rock star.

I still have to admit. Sometimes it just sucks to be single. Just sometimes. After given much thought, in the end i realized it's just my fear of loneliness.

Just a random thought.

To everything

2011-11-13T00:19:00.001+08:00

There is a 1st time.

Celebrated 11/11/11 and Early 12/11/11 with a bunch of friends. Joined in a drinking game which I eventually come to realize I am not built for it. Since I was the newbie and they already know my low tolerant for alcohol, I finished my 1st cup quite quickly.

Eventually, by the 2nd round, I gave in and my head got so heavy that I pulled out, On one condition. I have to bottoms up one cup filled partially by *name of alcohol I forgot*. Then, I literally K.O

At 1st I thought I just slept through the night cause I excused my self from playing the 2nd round of the drinking game. But then, from others I heard that I did something else. Like seriously, I didn't even know I joined in true or dare(I think they said i joined, which I didn't even know they played that game at all)

Remember the scene of Hangover? where the characters totally forgot what happened last night? Well it sort of happened to me.

Some say I puke at the balcony(the pail was JUST BESIDE ME) then wave my hands to the air saying I feel so light that I can fly. Some say I threatened to kill them and set others of fire. Some say I tried jumping into the drain. And well, some say I almost drunk dialed. And so on.

Frankly, I can only remember less then half the things I remembered. I only know I felt like crap till the early mornings. And even when I woke up the 1st round in the morning I still feel like crap. But yeah, 1st time for everything. Call me crazy, but somehow it's mysteriously exciting as well, waking up having almost no recollection of what happened last night.

But yeah, I would definitely try not to repeat it. Don't know what other crazy things I might do.

P/s: All above are things I heard from witnesses and I have almost no recollection of what I did that night. So yeah, others might be a bit high as well, so it might not be that fully accurate. Still, I will never see coca-cola the same way again.

Solitude

2011-11-09T01:00:00.000+08:00

No idea why, every time coming to this season, I would want to go somewhere alone. Spend sometime in solitude, to straighten up myself. My life goals. To relax. To get my mind back on track.

Perhaps like an escape, to somewhere i can shut myself from the world. Momentarily. Don't tell me in stucking myself at my hostel room. Self lock in that small room is just plain depressing. No, I wanted somewhere where I can see the skies, and where the sky touches the seas. And where the voice of the beach.

Reading a book by the beach sounds like a perfect idea right now.

If I am super rich one day. I will definitely buy a small house by the beach.

Live Laugh Love

2011-11-06T00:15:00.003+08:00

quoted from somewhere la. It's not my quote definitely. Yet from now on I will make it a point that I will live my life on how it's meant to be lived. Like everyday it's the last.

Fed up emo-ing or having emotional thoughts bout things that is not yet time to happen.It is bound to happen, no matter what. So I will shelve it, and stop thinking bout it.

Still,

What a machine! - Jeremy Clarkson

Sometimes

2011-11-05T01:20:00.004+08:00

I wonder do you remember me? Or do you even know that I existed.

Still, lol.

Novemeber

2011-11-01T02:05:00.000+08:00

The clock strikes twelve and here comes a month to remember. October was fairly a roller coaster ride, infact been one of the toughest month that I have to go through since my Uni life started. All the cramped up assignments course works, and pressure. It just does take a toll on you sometimes.

The one week break was a much needed one. Also, in one week, the high and low changes were fairly spectacular. Gotta admit thou, one of the best days of my life during this year is in one the days. :D

A new month sets it, with greater expectations, larger dreams and also a vast new opportunities. It starte out with a rain when the clock strikes twelve, yet

Sun and clear skies will always be there after the rain.

It did not rain

2011-10-29T17:52:00.000+08:00

on the 3rd day. How could I forget? turns out my verdict was made long ago.

I was asking myself a question that I've had answered a while back. I knew the answer, just that I am not sure what am I gonna do about it. But, enough ranting of it. I will hold on to it, but I will leave it behind in this blog. :)

Anyways, back from a week of pampering in Ipoh. Gonna head off to UiTM tmr for a frisbee competition. It's just 5 v 5 so it's actually quite a small scale.But I have no idea why all the imba teams in Msia are going. I'm in the team, well since they said this is a good chance for newbie to get experience. For one, I guess we are gonna get trashed pretty hard i suppose. Heck, I didn't even train much this week, was busy eating/sleeping & plainly having fun .. lol.

Anyways, hope for the best la. That's all I can do for now.

Btw bumped on this song, I have to say emo alert. And yeah, BrunoMars version is actually better, but I lazy to go search and link it over.

Calculations.

2011-10-28T00:15:00.003+08:00

Screw that. It's either all or nothing.

That decision is a plunge, jump and if it is right I end up in the sea of joy. Do it wrong, I hit the rock and die miserably. Oh well, couldn't get any more complicated then that now can we?

Perhaps i should privatise this blog as well, seems like stuff im posting is getting quite personal.

Decision

2011-10-27T10:47:00.002+08:00

must be made.

I don't want to spend 6 months wandering aimlessly achieving less then visible & satisfactory results just to realize it will not work out then spend the next 6 months licking wounds and waiting it to heal.

By this week.

P/s: This is a mental note to self.

The Black & The White

2011-10-26T03:22:00.000+08:00

Note: No racism intended.

So I meddle abit with b&w photography. I always have this fond of b&w photos cause it leaves pocket of spaces of imagination. Also, it made it feels like it's something long and precious. I do relate age with value sometimes, as how it was quoted, Old is Gold. But then, it's very hard to represent my concept and perspective why I like b&w photography.

A few of the shots i've taken during Inti Uni Day.

JamesC.Photography.

Making memories, Lasting moments.

Perhaps I need a better catch phrase. Or whatever you call it.

P/s: It's just for fun, not that I am good enough to start a photography company or something. It is and always will be my hobby, not profession.

Ipoh Mali!!!

2011-10-23T17:08:00.002+08:00

Finally.. the air, the water, the food. It is all Ipoh-ly unique. Nowhere does the air smell so free, the water so plainly yet sweet , coffee drug-ly addictive also the food.. It's like Christmas in your mouth when you eat it. ( I know I know .. ALL GRAMMAR ERRORS!!! :P) But yeah, it's been too long away from home.

Nways.. gonna spend sometime chilling in Ipoh. I really need some timeout from life itself. Close those doors and those windows. I want some 'ME' time.

And I realized one thing. The fact that I could not handle emotion intensive situations is evident enough that I am not ready for a relationship. It just suffocates me. Perhaps it's again, right person wrong timing I suppose. But yeah, I am working on trying to not to be bothered by it. I am honestly putting effort into it.

On the edge

2011-10-20T02:01:00.001+08:00

Life lately has been one of the extremes. Not sleeping at all, or sleeping for 12-9 hours at a time. Assignments is a real killer, overly complicated question just so we will have to work for our marks, without learning anything worthwhile.

My walk with God is quite distorted as well. Sigh, better have a better discipline in spending time with Him.

But just 1 more day left. 1 more day and it would be a 7 days of worthwhile rest. Test in less then 12 hours, blogging to destress.. lol. Hwaiting!

David Story - Second Great War

2011-10-15T04:13:00.002+08:00

Check the lyrics too.

Somehow a song full of mysteries and questions. Yet also a song I can relate too. Been awhile I felt so powerless fighting against a situation. But still if it's not meant to be I have to fight against it till the ver end, when my mind will slowly but surely give in.

Life as we might not know it

2011-10-13T03:05:00.002+08:00

You know, little things might be little now. But then, a little down the road, it turns out to be something big.

look up the sky long enough, and you just might see the best sunset over again and again

For the moment, life is pretty awesome as it is. Still, have to shake off this tingling feeling that I have from time to time. Well, life is awesome, but then it's full of stress too. Stress of assignments. Like seriously, 4 Individual assignments in 2 weeks and 1 test. Not much, but definitely not making life any easier. 2 down, 2 more to go. Hwaiting!

As how the movie depicts it, I guess right now is my routine stage and making memories.

Life is not a race, you are not getting a trophy if you finish 1st.

Miss some of You people so much. People that gave me courage and mental support. People that would listen to me. Although we are still keeping contact via technology, I still miss those moments together.

Expression

2011-10-08T00:08:00.000+08:00

Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions.

- David Borenstein

And I find that I express myself best by pictures and words. In fact, my facial expression is the most inaccurate one. weirdly.

Coming to nilai, I realized a few things. For one, is that I really do love photography. It's hard to explain, but although I am not super good at it like those other Pros out there, I am always driven to take better pictures. Not so I can brag about it, but more like it's a personal trophy and also being able to capture what I am picturing in my mind.

I know I am making thing sound deep, or I am doing so cause it would make it sound cool. But it's not. There are emotions to my work. Most of my favorite photographs have a story, or emotion behind it. It's like piecing a puzzle of seeing the world through my eyes. Sometimes I am frustrated, cause I could not capture the image I picture up in my mind. But then, that always drives me to try harder & harder. Weirdly though, some of my shots are also purely accidental. I was lucky perhaps.

Also, I know what I want in someone that I am gonna spend my life with. I need a supporter, not someone that would constantly question me or challenge me. Also, I can't take bossy people well. So yeah, I am starting to understand myself better then ever.

And I cannot really get over you. No matter how busy I am with my days, or how happening life is, there will be moments in life where I would hav you in my mind. You, who can make me run for miles with a smile and still willing to run more. Yes, you, who almost everyone would meet someday. You, where almost everyone on earth would be addicted to. You, falling in love. Falling in love is like a drug, you can say that you are cure from addiction, but you are never really are.

And I guess I am falling. But I just don't know how to approach this situation.

P/s: Pardon the emo-ish post. Since I don't get some heart to heart talk recently I just need a place to spill out all these emotions.

Fix You

2011-10-03T17:03:00.002+08:00

Song originally sang by Coldplay but this is Boyce Avenue's cover. Which in my opinion is just as awesome as the original one or maybe slightly better at some parts.

Send me all your angels tonight, I'm barely hanging on.

Last but not least

2011-10-03T03:12:00.002+08:00

This is the very last thing I should do right now. But then, I feel the urge to write something down here.

I'm back from Kedah. I did not win any medals, infact we've got trashed pretty hard. Still, we did had fun :) All those moments & memories are priceless. The medals is just a bonus. I will remember my experience here & I will further push myself to achieve higher then what I've reached now.

"Remember those small little victories" as my TeamCaptain said. A cool guy that always put up a wide smile no matter how hard the situation is. And is always honest to the Team yet still can make the hard truth acceptable. That is what a leader should be.

So much I've learned and realized so much more I need to improve myself. Nothing short then an eye opener :)

P/s: Wanted to include in a photo, but it's too late & I really need some rest.

And

2011-09-30T09:06:00.000+08:00

Here it comes.

Game face on. I'm now in the 11th hour before competition starts. Cross my fingers say my prayers & hope all goes well.

It sucks

2011-09-28T01:09:00.000+08:00

When you give all you can give, and it is still not enough.

It sucks, when you are doing the best you can, so you will not be a burden to anyone, it backFires.

It sucks, when I ran as fast as I could, it just won't cut it.

It sucks, when I jump and reach as high as I can possibly reach, the disc just fly past my fingertips.

And I always ask, why?

Why I could not jump higher, or run faster. Or mayb, why do I panic.

And everytime, every single time, I can give a reason for it. But perhaps, it's time to put those reason, or excuses behind. It's time to accept one cold harsh fact. I am not good enough.

To be honest, I was at my breaking point at the field today... I am so disappointed with my own performance. It's like I am a handicapped person on the field. I have a pair of legs. a pair of arms but why I can't do what others did so well?

But, no. I had given up on many things in life. I might had at a point in life given up one of my life goals. But No. I will not give up on myself.

They breathe the same air as I do, eat the same food as I do. There is no reason that I can't perform as well or at least close to the others. Time, I need time to be better. Time, it is always time. I will be better in time, I will return better and stronger. I will be back, faster then before. I might suck at this Open, But I'll be back.. And I will be better.

Apologize to the readers(if any) for the emo-ish and very self beating post. I just had quite a hard time. Sigh, I need a morale boost, or maybe even some motivation.

Seven Days

2011-09-23T12:26:00.003+08:00

You can always predict what might happen, or even deduce what would happen.. but chances are your expectations might not coincide with reality.

So, conclusion? Carpe Diem.

Competition is 7 days away, and without a doubt this week would be on High gear for everyone. If my life is a movie this week would be flashes of trainings and classes with a building up soundtrack as the back drop. Perhaps the song of Down River by The temper trap might be an interesting add.

Anyways spend less then 24 hours in Ipoh just for the sake of stpm certs and some documents for ptptn. Mom seem particularly unhappy about it ..lol. But oh wells, It's not like I'm not coming back at all. To be honest, I wish time would allow me to stay longer as well. But I cannot stop the momentum now, taking a few days off is very risky at this stage.. best is to keep everything on high gear till the end of the competition.

Most of all, hope everyone will have a good time :)

I wonder

2011-09-21T02:59:00.002+08:00

sometimes, am I good enough?

Time to put on my Game face. Gonna tough it out give my best.

P/s: Yes, I'm doubting

And i do like you. And I do feel that ur the right one. To hell with 'let's see how things goes', it's horse crap & words arranged together so that I can calm myself. And maybe it's true. I'm just afraid of having to go out of the comfort zone and risk getting rejected again. Maybe it's true, I just have not fully recovered yet. But I do hope i am liking you for the right reasons.

Unending Love

2011-09-18T23:04:00.001+08:00

by Hillsongs

Got to know this song from CF Facebook page. Pretty much a prayer I would wanna pray to Him right now.

Letting go of my pride
I lay down my desires
Just to worship in Spirit and truth
More than all of my dreams
More than fame I will seek You Lord

P/s: Never loose sight of the finishing line.

Sixpence none the richer

2011-09-17T00:07:00.001+08:00

Kiss Me Lyrics

Was watching a fan video(sunny's) that day and i heard this song. Find it quite soothing and nice :)

Perhaps

2011-09-15T04:37:00.002+08:00

The day hasn't show all it's cards.

I know most of the time I am not speaking sense. Anyhow, I just wish today would last longer. And hopefully, best is now and better is to come :)

Also did some photoshooting for ICF 1st meeting of the semester! Although alot of spoilt shots *thanks to rusty camera skills* I did manage to capture some nice ones :D

Seed | Regeneration

P/s: Wanted to upload more pics, but slow internet. Bah.

If you were an ice cream flavor

2011-09-13T01:55:00.001+08:00

You would be my favorite one :)

Maybe I am judging things too soon.. Or perhaps it is just me wanting to move on from my current situation.

I am conflicted, yet again. At one end, I wanted to get to know you more and perhaps in the near future be something more then friends. On the other end, the fear of rejection grips me. And I know clearly I need to be emotionally stable for at least this coming few months in this place where I am alone.

But yeah, every time I had manage to convince myself that right now I am best being single for now, the Universe just seems to like to screw around with me and give me hope that perhaps there is chances. Anyhow I am gonna just live life as it goes. I will walk my pace and I won't rush things.. I know clearly If I am serious about this I can be as persistent as I ever could be, and waiting is something I am willing to do.

Of course, my goal is still clear. Get good grades, build a good career, and get a stable income. And right now I am just indulging in abit of off track desires :D

Also, today frisbee training was quite intense. Been awhile I felt this tired. However I foresee more similar training like this. Drills drills and more drills. I don't want to be a burden to my team! And I definitely don't want them to not be able to achieve their goals cause 1 person in the team didn't give his 100%. So far I've made little improvements, but I know it doesn't come close to being enough at all. I am gonna try harder, and harder. And I will expect results.

Success is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. Shared by PasterChris.

On another note, find it weird that my learning skills teacher today talks about life philosophy instead of teaching 'learning skills' = =. Also she quoted in class, whatever which is yours, will be yours in the end. Weird coincidence given that the same quote was shared by a friend way back in Ipoh.

On that bombshell, It's time to end this long post. I seriously need some good rest.

P/s: Oh and no pics. Didn't take much recently .. hehe

1st Mile

2011-09-09T14:25:00.003+08:00

So, officially started my 2nd semester. 1st week was pretty tough, specially the mornings. One of my lecturers actually reminds me of my form 6 days. But the mornings are tough, it is the night that made the days better.

Joining ultimate frisbee does release some pent up stress. U knw, stress away from home, loneliness, studies, and so on. Getting addicted to running my hearts out at the field.. really a good way to de-stress. *Runs and Screams*

Kays, enough craps. Coming 3 weeks is gonna be crucial. I've joined AIMST open, and I will be in the 2nd team. Gonna push my self further and improve myself more for the game. Been accident prone as well, fell twice in a week and open up bck my old wound. Damn pain.

But then. No pain, No gain. Fall down seven times, get up eight. Keep running! Hwaiting!

Oh and yeah, enjoying air-cond and amazingly fast internet speed at the multipurpose hall. Ahh paradise! :D

Calm

2011-09-02T01:23:00.000+08:00

before the storm.

When the world you're in is still again
And it all fades out
You've reached the end, begin again now

As this long break draws to a close, I foresee a busy semester ahead. One with hectic classes(quite), tough subjects as well as personal goals that I am never before more eager to achieve now.

I've looked back, and things are so different now than bck then. To everything there is a season in life, there is a season of mourning, a season of trials, a season of rest, a season of labor as well a season of reaping. Still waters, heavy hearts. The still waters only represents the inevitable storm ahead. I will survive this storm, and enjoy life at the same time.

Time heals :)

Make or break

2011-08-31T23:22:00.000+08:00

It's not New Year resolutions, nor big promises that make or break life, it's the innumerable small actions you take every hour that compound into a life well lived

- Facebook

P/s: I will be back.

Single

2011-08-30T03:56:00.000+08:00

but I have no idea am I available or not.

Over and over again I have told myself, being single is very damn fun. There is no strings attached, lesser commitments, less responsibility, and definitely less issues to think about. But there comes a point in life that you will feel something is missing, even after all those outings, all those crazy nights.

I've been having that feeling for quiet sometime already. And frankly sometimes it is disturbing. I've been praying for the right one, she doesn't needs to be perfect, but of course she does needs to meet afew ticks on my list. But yeah, even if I meet the right one, will she be single? Will she even be interested to know me? I might be confident on most things, or at least looked confident. But on the most side, I'm jst putting up a strong front. Underneath that mask, there is always doubt and self questionings.

Heck, being able to think about this is already a luxury. Usually when problems comes in life, relationship is always at the far end for me. Probably now is just the start of a new sem and life had jst slowed down a little bit for me to indulge in this matter.

Heck, probably it is just peer pressure cause ppl around me seem to be like moving on with life while I am still stagnant and still.

Sigh, whichever it is. Or mayb it is just some slow songs at this hour alone made me feel a little bit emo. Oh wells. Life goes on and time still flies.

Wonder how my life would turn out in the coming few months. I will believe it is awesome.

And I am trying, all the best I can to be a better person. I will always take this phrase to heart, It's not all about finding the right person, It's also about being the right person. I am gonna keep believing, even though I suck at it, I am gonna have faith, that this silent prayer would be answered. Also I will believe

Love never fails. I hope.

Let what happens in the internet stays in the internet. For those who came across this, this is just Me speaking my mind. Which I tend to do alot on the internet realm.

Heart pounding

2011-08-27T00:45:00.000+08:00

Deep slow breathes. Steady hands. Firm grip on the Disc. Get my head in the game.

Quoted frm 'Six billion freaks in this world Apr 27, 2010'

Back to Ipoh, to my warm family, to my comfy bed. Now gonna continue what I have been doing. Endurance training and Jogging. The trick is to keep my mind fresh and steady even though my heart is pounding at thousands of beats per min.

Competition is one month away, though I'm not sure whether am I qualified into the junior team or if there is a junior team, I am gonna give my best. At least I can see how much I can achieve in one month. No slowing down, no skipping days, no procrastination.

I'm just dreaming out loud.

The photos is taken from one of my previous blogpost. I edited it a lil more. Kinda really like this photo.

It's been awhile since I literally fallen down, and it's been awhile i've taken 'when you fall down, get back up and walk again' literally. My knee does hurt like crap thou D:

Life as we know it

2011-08-26T07:11:00.001+08:00

Just a usual night. Frisbee, then vcammed a guy shaving his beard, drank a weirdly addictive tea at an arabian shop house, stayed up almost all night chatting there, went to friends place to watch movies and here I am.

Maybe I forgot to mention bout it, but life is Inti is crazy sometimes & occasionally epic. Raya week break, can't wait to go back home.

Contingency

2011-08-21T18:11:00.001+08:00

I ponder deeply sometimes, what If I my contingency plan was not valid and I am forced to follow my original plan. Of course, because of the luxury of being able to choose, I did not pursue my vry 1st plan with guns ablazing. For one, If I wasn't given a choice, I would only start my studies in a months time, or now if I am extremely lucky. Or, I might be going to Kampar take the cheapest course available get a degree, come out and start building my career. But no, I was given a choice to choose beyond all this. And here I am, in Inti Nilai, 1 semester later and semester 2 is about to start tomorrow.

But now, having to fall back on my contingency plan, I already have too much to loose. If should I fail, money would be wasted, time and my future would be bleak as ever. If should I end up failing, in my household there is only me to take care of my parents. So the pressure is pretty intense when I think about it, but usually I steer clear of this thought.

Tomorrow would be the day I enroll. And right now I'm just chilling in my room in Inti.( actually I am bored to death hence explains blogging.lol ). Can't wait to go flick(frisbee) actually = ="

Stop for a minute

2011-08-18T23:45:00.001+08:00

and smile :)

Good bye for now. It has been good and well, but this 3 weeks made me realize that there is more important things in life to pay attention to. Good bye for the moment, and I will promise I will be back. And when I am back, I will never be the same. I will be better. More than that, I will be ready.

Never stop believing

Oh! and finally updated the song list in my blog. Enjoy :D

Hardwork

2011-08-16T00:30:00.000+08:00

It pays off.

Those night staying awake to finish off the assignments, those hours spending in the classroom being a good boy by paying attention(i tried), the non-stop study marathon 2 days before exam and before exam. It was worth it, every single second of the torment is worth it. And I've even got a bonus, I got more then I expected. *hands waves on air*

Suffice to say, my very 1st time getting an A- in like 3years. Daebak!!

Gonna do better next semester, Hwaiting!!

Seven days ago

2011-08-14T02:33:00.002+08:00

by Mocca.

Well another song bumped on when I was watching Invincible Youth. Aside from that.. few more days to the release of my result. I am hoping for the best, that is to pass my subjects.

I am quite confident for the business class.. but for the HCI(human computer interaction) I have no idea what to expect. Sure my course work marks did pull some weight but I did vry badly for my 10% test. And I still need quite a few marks to hit the 50% mark. I am worried.

In the mean time, since I am quite free in Ipoh.. I decided to take a stroll at a small park just outside my house. Ofc, I carried along my camera. Here's afew shots.

Earth laughs in flowers.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Hamatreya"

In need of a better perspective.

Those aren't

2011-08-12T03:05:00.000+08:00

scars. They are medals for trying.

Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

But, not every case can be applied to this. Sometimes, life just have a different calling for you to live.

Yet I am sure in this. I will put my heart into it, my time and my sweat. My effort will echo it into the winds and hope that one day it would land on fertile soil. For they say, you reap what you sow. To this I will always hold dear to. To this, I will never forsake.

Empty streets may have remnant cries of yesterday's failures.

Mourn that of which is dead and live for the living. Some dreams are just meant for the moment in time, and then dead for the time to come. Live for the dreams that is alive, for the dreams that may not come true, but bring you to where you should be.

Life, is full of surprises. Take it and go.

Behold!

2011-08-11T20:21:00.000+08:00

The baby who stares at camera

Parent's cell group member thought there was cell group last night. But turns out they forgot it was cancelled. They also brought along their 5months(i think) old baby. It was sleeping at 1st .. then she(i think also - -) woke up.. so having a camera by my side I did the next best thing: Introducing the baby to the camera. Good thing was, at 5months old, their sight is nt vry developed so to get her attention I have to make some voice...some very...well.. Let's call it voice and leave it at there.

Actually.. I think I've terrified her instead D:

and after awhile..

RAWR!! I WANT SLEEP. EVERYONE LEAVE ME ALONE!! RAWR!!!

haha .. actually the baby just gently yawned.

Anyways. That's random. Also results is gonna be released soon .. Oh it better be good.

The last time

2011-08-10T22:59:00.000+08:00

Bumped on this song while I was re-watching invincible youth(Yes, i am that free). Find it pretty awesome. The lyrics itself is gold.

Aside from that, things seems to be going according to plan to my delight. But don't think my feet could agree with me. Also surprised myself today .. doing more then my normal quota of swimming n jogging. Apparently the stamina training is proven effective.. well hopefully.

I hate going into games(whatever games) and then start gasping for air like an old man in 5 mins.

Running man

2011-08-07T20:30:00.000+08:00

on fire!!!

Like, literally.

Who else better to know when is the right time then myself? What I know is, right now it's the wrong time. I am busy trying to fix a life that I almost screwed up. Screaming Geronimo and plunging myself would not help anything.

And the rain could never come at a better time :)

New week starts, new quota to be made. Whoo-ah!!! I will return stronger and better.

Send me away

2011-08-07T02:16:00.000+08:00

with the words of a love song.

Finally, my comfy bed, awesome family and spectacular food.Ipoh is still the best. Well, of course it could be a little boring on and offs since quite alot of people has started studying.

It seems it's always at night when my thoughts would just drift away. For this moment, I am thinking bout what my dad ask just yesterday night over dinner. When am I gonna get married? Actually he asked when is he gonna get to see his grandchild.. but yeah that was wayyy too far ahead.

Kinda think of it, I always gave ppl a random number when ppl did ask me bout it. 25 was what I said, but I never really did put much thought into it, and even now I am still single(kinda sound desperate don't I? LOL). I am 20, and if i really wanted to be married by 25.. that is just 5 years left. And in 10years time I would hit 30. Damn that is fast.

It's like life is moving at the speed of light when we start thinking about it

Well mayb, just maybe it's really time to put some thoughts into what I am looking for in life. What my goals are, and then also find someone who share the dream as I do, instead of getting hoo-ha over any girl I am attracted to.

Hopefully the dawn would wake me from the slumber at the right timing.

Truth is, I have mostly figured out what I wanna do in life already. Well, mostly I suppose.

BBQ-ed

2011-08-01T22:17:00.001+08:00

literally.

So after finished with my finals for the sem I stayed back in Nilai.. combating the severe homesickness. Why? Cause I was gonna head down to Johor to spectate an Ultimate Frisbee competition, SDU open to be precise.

Honestly I am just a noob when it comes to sports, since my better part of my life is spent with computers and internet. Although I joined scout, I came to realize it is entirely different. Still, out of the point.

Atm i am suffering from a severe sun burn. My back hurts, face, heck.. even my lips hurts. Epic. WHY DIDNT I JUST MAN DOWN AND USE SUNBLOCK. Joke. I just have this tendency to say no to sunblock. Should better not repeat this bad habit next time.

The competition itself was an eye opener. Their strategies, skills(duh?), even the way they utilize their players. Through this trip I got a better grasp of how the game works. Well, gonna start stamina building 1st then for the free time in Ipoh. 2 weeks isn't much, but it is a good start. If I do not procrastinate of course.

Aside from being sunburned out of my right mind, I also did a lot of traveling this 4days. Short update for now. No pics, all still in Sunny.. lazy to copy'em all out.

First Dawn

2011-07-27T01:22:00.000+08:00

Exam's over. Now next stop Johor Bahru. After that will be my long missed hometown. Damn I miss my family/home/town/room/car so much right now. Tonight sucky dinner just made me miss it even more. Yeah laugh and tease, I'm a homeboy..wherever I go.. wherever I am. I will miss my home, not house.. home! :)

Also, gonna start to build up my stamina. Swimming + Jogging. I do hope I am not procrastinating. I always make grand plans, but not everyone is done.

Also debating whether should I go to Pangkor or not. Hmmm ... Dilemma.

The dawn, of story that would last a lifetime. I hope.

Enough Lies

2011-07-24T21:23:00.000+08:00

I know I've always said 'Pfft exams.. so what?' then 'Exam only.. not the end of the world' or or or .. Aiya just study important points la. what ever happens will happen.

Honestly now I'm scared like crap. Epic huh?

Gonna study so hard that my brain will get muscle cramps.

Dark Clouds

2011-07-23T17:38:00.000+08:00

that doesn't rain down meatballs. D:

Finals coming soon. Sigh at 1st I was quite confident that I can take it down with ease, after given my experience with Form 6. However, today after reading through those past year questions, it just triggered my panic button. Great. Still, if I aim to pass, I can just choose to study specific topics. However, I am better then that(hopefully). I should strive to achieve better.

After a dozen of times pulling an all nighter, I could say my coursework did came out considerably well. At least they met my minimum requirement. And yeah.. they shall come like a white knight and save my ass if should I screw up my finals.

For my group project, top score in class, Booyah!!! Please, let me be ecstatic just for a few brief sec cause never in life did I ever get the highest mark for any sort of project work in class. Thinking back now, all those moments of struggling was frigging worth it!!!

Less then 48 hours. Then I am free.

Running at the speed of sound

2011-07-20T23:18:00.000+08:00

Away from my problems, responsibilities. But then, just a thought. I'm much better then that.

Lately, after some quiet time to cool down after 3 weeks of assignment rush, exam rush and trips.. I've realized that my life this 2 years has been a cycle. It consists of almost 2 phases. Good and Bad.

Coming Inti has been both tiresome and a blessing. Life is always a bed of roses, just that roses have thorns. The almost never ending last minute surprises course work and presentations yet the friends and good people around here.

So far I'm able to keep myself from diving in into situations which would lead to complications, which is the beginning of the cycle. However recently, the balance has changed. The temptation of diving in back to the cycle has grew stronger. It is an ever present struggle, struggling against my own desires. It's like telling a vegetarian that veggie is poisonous. There are a few factors contributing to it, and of course there is already a subject.

But this year, I'm planning on breaking that cycle. To plunge into that cycle, is to risk too much which I cannot afford. Or probably I am trying to rationalize my fears. However true that is, facts are facts. Getting involved at things like this is inappropriate at the moment. Still, a question always comes to my mind, If opportunity present itself, would I take it? I hope when I'm faced with this dilemma, the greater good of my mind can make that split second decision.

Perhaps I took the coward way out by not man-ing up and facing it. Perhaps you never thought that I just don't wanna take my chances at all. Perhaps, I just wanna see, with zero distractions, how far exactly can I push myself.

Well some of the photos I took when I head to Pangkor with my bros.

Yeah and this is the 2nd attempt of shooting with a bokeh kit

Trying to meddle with it more but for the moment I'm just too busy. Mayb during the sembreak I can take some nice shots with it :)

Problem with me sometimes? I over think.

Oh don't know it's a blessing or a curse, I got the opportunity to present my group project to a Real company!! :D And I'm the presenter.. SHIT

By My Side - David Choi

2011-07-17T19:03:00.003+08:00

Bumped onto this song life a few weeks ago. To be exact, I was anticipating this song since WongFu Productions released a sneak peak b4 hand. Find the MV quite interesting and deep, which is always the one of the signatures of Wongfu(others are random and funny). Still, they excel at bringing new perspective and creativity. Songs above, lyrics below. Enjoy :)
Probably gonna get some tutorial of this song from Youtube when time permits, or if i remember. This is definitely a song that I would wanna sing/play to her, when I finally meet her :).

I'm just listening to the clock go ticking,
I am waiting as the time goes by.
I think of you with every breath I take,
I need to feel your heartbeat next to mine.
You're all I see, in everything.

I just wanna hold you,
I just wanna kiss you,
I just wanna love you all my life.
I normally wouldn't say this,
but I just can't contain it.
I want you here forever,
right here by my side.

All the fears you feel inside,
and all the tears you cry,
they're ending right here.
I'll heal your heart and soul;
I'll keep you oh so close.
Don't worry; I'll never let you go.
You're all I need, you're everything.

I just wanna hold you,
I just wanna kiss you,
I just wanna love you all my life.
I normally wouldn't say this,
but I just can't contain it.
I want you here forever,
right here by my side.

No one else will ever do.
I got a stubborn heart for you.
Call me crazy, but its true; I love you.
I didn't think that it would be,
you have made it clear to me.
You're all I need.

I just wanna hold you,
I just wanna kiss you,
I just wanna love you all my life.
I normally wouldn't say this,
but I just can't contain it.
I want you here forever,
right here by my side.

Probably gonna get some tutorial of this song from Youtube when time permits, or if i remember. This is definitely a song that I would wanna sing/play to her, when I finally meet her :).

Finals in .... Erm ....

2011-07-15T23:06:00.000+08:00

2 weeks. TWO WEEKS.

It's been 7 weeks since I've entered my Uni Life. And I'm about to finish my course. So much learned in so little time. All in all, I'm just glad life has been turning out the way it was :)

Know that Life is to be lived, not explained - David Story

The Last Page

2011-07-14T00:19:00.002+08:00

Two Sundays ago I tried recalling, was it during May or March. I stood there, unable to remember it. Time does heals, cause time erodes away memories. Later on I did remember however..LOL

I am not clinging on to the past however, neither am I fighting to forget it, it's a futile attempt. I've made peace with it instead, admitting that it was one inevitable event that from it, I gain so much more, from it for better or for worst, I changed. For this particular night, I just decided to take a trip to my past. For this last bit, I am gonna post it up here before this part erodes as well.

It will be a movie, where we will watch. It depicts of a fairy tale. Illogical and Unreasonable shrouds it. As how I am conflicted within myself between my intuition and my logical reasoning I decided to follow my heart's whisper.

After a stroll down the fantasy land, I would take you to the corner where we 1st met. 7years of memories in that corner and the two years you were there was the best years I had. Then I will bring you into a room, where there would be candles and rose petals.

Then I would let you know how you had decorated my world, and how much goodness you brought into me. I would tell you that I want you to always be part of my world. I would tell you I will always stay up all night long just so I be the one to wake you up and stay way past my bedtime just so I can hear you stop crying. And I will tell you those 3 words that was all but too common but I never spoken off it to anyone other then my parents.

All that was planned however, was left in a standstill. The candles remained in my car on that day, the rose petals remained with the florist. For being so vulnerable and to open such doors was never attempted in my life. Something that I decided to not go ahead with it after what I heard of the day before.

Then I told myself. I was lucky, I almost made the biggest mistake in my life.

The ripple effect

2011-07-01T06:55:00.000+08:00

Barely 2 and a half months ago I was shown a video by Enjun. I've even posted it up on my blog . From then on, I aspire to capture what it was in that video.

I changed a lens, did literally tried making a DIY bokeh slide(It was usable, but fragile). Eventually, I asked Enjun to buy it. So.. now. after almost 75days..

TADAA!!!!

The bokeh effect

I just got hold of this kit and this was a test shot. Hopefully more interesting shots would come around in time. I need to be a the right place and the right time for nice shots thou. Which is essentially not easy. Did some test vid shots wif it as well, find it quite satisfying :D

anyways. Got back from a long day and I didnt even sleep. Epic. And the day is just about to start.. Epic x2

The big Two Zero (1)

2011-06-26T17:53:00.000+08:00

I'm most likely making this a 2 part entry. I got alot of things I wanna write about... but I'm suffering from the lack of motivation :P

Little did I realized it's been two decades, and memories just fills in bit by bit over the period. For the 2nd time in my life I spend my birthday away from my hometown. Actually I didnt realize that my bday was so close until 9pm of the day before..LOL.. when a friend from aus wished early from facebook. Then after staring at the date for a sec or two.. then suddenly it sprang up... Holy shit, it's my birthday tomorrow!!!

To sum up my Jun, well I know i didnt kept my promise on elaborating more on the psalmist generation conference. But yeah since i'm at home now and in the mood to blog, might as well say it here. The videography course made me realize a few personal insights. If i shared it here, it might be boring.

However, the conference itself made me realize one thing. All this time I was reluctant to admit it and I was constantly justifying my actions. But then, on the 2nd night I finally stop denying. It took me 2 years to finally admit that I was a backsliden Christian. I still go to church over the 2 years, still pray often and do pretty much what Christans do. But it was more of a routine than doing with purpose. Eventually, even going to church was merely just a routine and sometimes I was really tempted to skip it in a whole. My problems can be traced back to one thing, but that was the past and it is pretty personal to say it out here.

It wasnt a long thought out decision, it was a sudden decision that when I stood outside and Kelvin asked me what I need praying, I blurred everything out. Nothing was planned before hand, nothing was decided early on. It was a split second decision. All the way from the very 1st decision of going to the conference or not.

Oh and another update. I got a new lens for some time already. Canon EF 50mm f/1.8 . And Enjun is bringing back the bokeh kit i bought in a few weeks time. Can't wait to try it out!!! :D

A few shots from my lens btw. Still trying it out.

What was I thinking when I look outside the window of a moving vehicle

2011-06-12T16:51:00.000+08:00

In a train I looked outwards to the window. Pillars of street lights passing me one by one. At an ever increasing speed, soon becoming a straight line of light stretching out into the far yonder, into the unknown. My vision moved to the horizon, where I see the tip of the sun gently caressing the ocean in harmony. The sky wears the colors of dusk, as the sun slowly drowns further into the never ending ocean. On a bridge, in a train, to a destination which I could not comprehend.

I always aspire to able to make a scene like this and incorporate it into a music video. This scene was directly inspired by 500 Days of Summer when Summer & Tom was talking in a train having coffee with the music 'Sweet Disposition' at the back ground. Imo, that's one of the best scenes i ever witnessed.

Psalmist Generation conference was awesome and spectacular. The videography course I joined gave me so much insight as well as the know how to produce the scenes which I pictured in my mind. Kudos to the facilitators for being so helpful as well as resourceful.

For now, a short update. I will try to upload pics and elaborate more about it when I get to Nilai. :P

Talking to the Moon

2011-06-03T02:03:00.003+08:00

She was as perfect as it gets. Too bad even before barely knowing her, I could tell we value total different things in life. I hope it's an assumption however, and somehow this might be the person. However random this maybe, take note that It's past 2am and possibly I am talking crap. :P

You know me, I might say I love cats today and buy a dog tomorrow.

They say,

the happiest person on earth is the richest.

Yet,

the richest person on earth is not necessarily the happiest person.

Anyhow. Back to hometown tomorrow. Nights and peace out!

New start week two.

2011-06-01T04:17:00.000+08:00

Thou i've said about alot of chapters in life, this time it would be utterly different. I suppose I should label it as volume two. Life in Inti has been by far on my good side. Just an occasional boredom and bad weather is the problem. Other then that, things are pretty well.

Oh and I have to deal with being homesick. Well, more like roomsick. I do miss my room, my bed, to be exact the place I sleep. Also my parent's cooking. Geez, I'm starting to sound like a baby. LOL. Nways these are things that most people have to deal with I assume, or it's just me a special case.

I wanted to start writing bout all the adventures in Nilai, but frankly I have no idea where to start with. To be written out would be too long and too much. I guess we can call it interesting and leave it at there. For now, I would be blogging less and less since the bad connection speed is always a turn off when i surf the web and also i literally can't upload any photos with this kind of speed.

As for tonight, went to watch KungFu Panda 2 with 38 people. LOL. We almost have the entire cinema to ourselves and we are VERY NOISY. And nobody DARES to keep us quite, BUAHAHAHHA. Epic indeed :D

Well, chances are I am gonna terminate this blog. Blogging has been my hobby and also a way to improve my writing. Maybe, I've just grown out of it. Well just an idea, it's 4am and time to hit the bed.

as quoted by Ted's Mom

"when it's past 2am, just go to sleep"

Chapter (fill in the blanks)

2011-05-24T23:20:00.000+08:00

I guess I used 'A new chapter in life' so many times and sometimes it's plainly a cliche. However this time, It is literally a new chapter in life.

New bed, New room, New food, New classroom, New friends, New sports(frisbe .. lol), New environment and so on.

And I feel so blessed and grateful that everything thus far went on so smoothly. From step to zero to now. It is like clockwork. Nearly half of the year has passed by, and much goodbyes had been waved. Still, there is always much to come and greater things to come :)

And yeah. My schedule is very incredibly relax! Don't should I be happy or be troubled by it. More updates soon this weekend.

It's a good life

2011-05-18T19:06:00.001+08:00

I cleared every single song from my playlist. Was actually going to refill it with new songs but turns out the 'Add Url' button for the widget is missing. So screw it, I'm lazy to use Mixpod's search song function.

Anyhow. This song caught me yest night while I was watching a show. After a whole morning of searching and digging I finally found it.

A must hear! And pretty much a suitable wedding song :D. For the slides I mean.

Baby, I was fading
And baby I was waiting
For someone out there to save my soul,
To love me in the good times
To hold me in the bad times
Someone to make me smile anew
Who really paints those gray skies blue
I was looking for a good life
Just looking for a good life
A good life

And baby I was crying
'Cause all around was dying
Until the day that you came along,
You opened up those blue skies
And now we only get highs
I never found a love so strong
And it's just keeps on rolling,
It keeps me going on
And baby it's a good life
I got you by my side tonight
Baby, it's a good life
And everything is right tonight

Well I thought I was strong,
A fool played in a wise man
And that it's easy now for me to say
'Cause I'm smiling away
Oh baby, baby it's a good life, good life
Baby it's a good, good life, alright

I found someone to make my whole life new
That's somebody I found is you
It's a good life, new life
Baby, it's a good life
Oh baby, it's a good life
I got you by my side tonight
Baby it's a good life
And everything is alright tonight

Well, I love you baby,
I really love you baby
That's why everything is right
Life is good, life is fine
Oh baby, it's a good life

The truth

2011-05-16T20:31:00.000+08:00

Sometimes the truth is so shocking that will leave you in disbelief.

This happened twice this year. Good and Bad each.

P/s: I am grateful I am so lucky in so many ways.

Anticipation

2011-05-11T01:42:00.000+08:00

or just pure anxious. Every time the thought of Nilai or next Thursday, my heart beat quickens and my mind will start spinning at a thousand rpm... I have no idea what to expect from there. If I choose Subang or Kampar, at least I won't think this much, cause i know there are tons of ppl that I know there. But frankly, in Nilai, it's just like a totally unknown place to me.

Oh well on the bright side is there is still an element of surprise. And so on, I haven't figure it out yet :P

Oh come on. Seriously start raining already. = =" I swear I heard there is thunder today, but there is no rain!! What a let down!! D:

It's May now.

2011-05-08T22:44:00.001+08:00

With a blink of an eye. It's May. And this is not just any May, it's the May I leave town to somewhere else. I swear I still remember my 1st day at primary school. All still very vivid in my mind. When I attended Sunday service today, I'm pretty much bumped cause this is my last few days in Ipoh, and I might not see this place for quite sometime.

I know, without a doubt I will leave this place, this town with a heavy heart. Maybe I'm just a lil afraid of the new and unknown, or maybe I'm just being sentimental. Yet, I know it's for the best, and thus I am being conflicted with myself. I've been missing on so much things lately, things I never thought I would miss about, and things that I never wanted to miss too. Oh well, probably i'm just bored :D.

Still a song that I bumped on fb.

and ofc! Happy Mothers Day!!! :)

whats gonna be?

2011-05-06T20:08:00.000+08:00

Less then 2 weeks and counting with a thousand thoughts running in my mind. Still, never be drenched by discouragements. Stay positive :)

Mayb nobody noticed, but imysm.

Time to start again.

Cameron!

2011-05-03T21:28:00.000+08:00

My absence from blogging has been of 2 factors. One is I have zero idea of what to blog most of the time aside from those emo-ish post, which I'm doing my blog a favor by trying from posting it(well most of the time) and the other would be cause I went to Cameron with Usst-ians over the weekends :D

The trip is filled with laughter, thrills and cold weather. The weather is awesome, minus the raining part.

Anyhow just a snapshot of the pics taken there. I've took over 1 thousand photos over the 3days.

The people.

Waiting for the sun to rise

Sun Rise!

You electrify my life.

All in all it was an awesome trip. And i was missing it the moment I step into my house. Time does goes by fast when you are enjoying it :)

Step one.

2011-04-26T00:29:00.000+08:00

Back from the dark. I've been to KL last week. Reason is.. well, there is more then one reasons. Anyhow my main reason was to pay Lowyat a visit so I can buy afew items that I need. However, my plans got derailed in such a magnitude that I was ended up worried that I might not get home on Saturday. Frankly, being punctual is a value that NEEDS to be CULTIVATED. And if don't have this virtue, my advice is that you do something about it.

Out of context, i know. But my last day in KL was totally screwed up cause of unpunctuality. I don't mind that much if my day was screwed up and plans derailed by more then one reason. Well, not in this case, I repeat, my entire day was fucked up due to unpunctuality. Still, thanks to those who salvaged it :)

Coming weekend will be Cameron with fellow Usst-ians. Can't wait! :D

Just gather all the necessary materials from PopularBookstore today. Hopefully I can make it work. So much factors needs to be considered that and I am totally new to these D.I.Y stuffs. I will post more about it , IF i can make it work.

It's a bokeh world

2011-04-15T19:30:00.000+08:00

Been down with flu and fever this few days. Which I have no idea HOW do i get it even though im getting loads of rest.

Still, an interesting video to share.

Feel like getting a bokeh kit!!

Fireworks

2011-04-10T15:22:00.001+08:00

Marching into April. Lots of things happened in my life. Few life changing(or soon to be) decisions in few days, Pulled some epic stunts infront of a mid sized crowd. Fallen in and out of love. Last part its joke just to spice things up.

And it seems I have no time to go back on blogging. Well, it is actually me lazy of typing what had happened. Till now, where I finally have that gap time to do so.

I will never forget 3rd of April 2011.

It is literally my prayer got answered on that day. For those who still don't know, my result for stpm was so bad to the point of not meeting minimum requirements for Degree entries even for private Uni. Somehow I got passed that, no idea how, mayb it is some system that I don't know off. Still thanks Jason for breaking me the good news on April Fool itself. I was really a relief, the sort of relief that I hadn't experienced for quite sometime, the kind of assurance and safety, it was priceless. For once I got some good news after months of sulking and struggling alone.

Then, the night before 3rd of April, Jonathan Tse's concert. No idea how, but i actually pulled off a pretty epic stunt. No people got hurt, well almost afew got hurt..lol. My comment? I shud've just lie down and play dead. Saved me of the drama.

That night, Jonathan Tse's msg was short but striking in a way. Been a long time since I have heard of someone sharing things that you can actually relate to. Still i'm very impressed on how he handled the crowd and stage.

May20th will be intake and I will be off to Nilai Inti at 19th of May to start a new life. New places new peoples, new history to be made. Hopefully a good history, not a rap sheet. lol.

No photos. And i know it's long and boring.

So in summary for those who don't bother reading, April is getting better and looking forward to May.

Slow and steady

2011-04-01T01:01:00.000+08:00

Getting things arranged. Hopefully everything that is gonna happen next will go according to plan with unwanted surprises.

My decision would be Nilai Inti. Intake on May 7th, Which meant I have 1 month to do everything I wanted and needed before I enter into college life. Provided everything goes according to plan.

When interest contradicts with common sense, guess we have to compromise.

4 oh! 4

2011-03-29T01:21:00.001+08:00

They said 'Have no fear'.

They arent speaking sense

In the end, no matter how strong it feels or bad Iwanted it, It's still kept bottom in. Cause I know it will not work out even by a miracle chance I get you, and I know it will be more frown then smile if we were ever together for real. I've understood it that thou there is attraction, it is plainly the attraction of the opposite, and too much conflict between us would spark unrest if we were ever too close.

Still, it's a memory of bliss yet unreal. It will always remain a story that only I will know and I live to remember. Goodbye my wonderful world, goodbye my wonderful memory. As time would move on, so does life has to move ahead. And this moment of a few seconds that will create a memory of a lifetime, a memory I will be grateful of having. You're a saint, and I'm a lucky mortal. Doubt you can see this anyways.

And it just rained at 1.11am.

Close your eyes

2011-03-27T22:37:00.000+08:00

and it will all be gone.

As what said today. You are your own greatest motivation. Anyone can motivate you to only a certain level, and after that you have to motivate yourself to get to where you wanted or what you wanted achieve.

Success is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. Shared by Pastor Chris Choo on this Sunday morning. Without a doubt many fields can relate to this.

Out of pure randomness i went to do some photoshooting right after an early dinner few days ago. It was still early, but the sun was setting and hence the lighting was bad. Bad timing for a sudden urge to shoot photos outside.. lol.

Just so happens 2 of my neighbor kids is playing outside with neighbors and parents.*My neighbor hood is quite friendly*. Took a few photos .. most are quite noisy due to high Iso also blurry with coz im on quite a low shutter speed. Blame the light! lol.

In pursuit of Joy. Only you can get hold of what you pursue. Nothing is spoon fed.

Decision making time i guess. Wish me luck.

Into the unknown

2011-03-26T00:32:00.001+08:00

I've been stuck in the same place just like 2 years ago. Same situation. Have tons of information yet unable to make a decisive choice.

Possibly, the only reason stopping me from taking this leap is cause I am too afraid of making a wrong decision. Many don't really realize but I am nearly a perfectionist in the things that matters to me. This have to be just right, that have to be just enough. And as for this case, this decision have to be just right. Something that I can work on, that I can understand, and the cert is of value in the future and indefinitely get me a job that pays well.

Sounds easy but it's totally not. All those nights of constant thinking and picturing future scenarios on which way I should head to and what I should eventually become.. my mind never gets fatigue thinking about it. It just wouldnt stop.

As an old friend said, 'When your thought doesnt fits your age'

401

2011-03-23T20:24:00.000+08:00

It's been quite lately as nt much is going on. Heck life aint bliss when nothing much is going on. You feel empty in a way somehow. Nope. Working doesnt cures it, It makes me feel productive in a manner. Nothing more than that.

However just recently something has been going on. However unpleasant or pleasant it is, It's still something at least. Can't be picky I suppose..lol.

1st off, Almost all my relatives came back from Johor. Well it's cause grandpa died last year Dec and I think they went to visit His tomb I suppose. Well, it feels nice having relatives around, no doubt they are noisy and to my surprise they are actually more buggy then my parents.(just wont stop asking questions bout my personal life = =). Also! I was a baby sister(butler sounds more like it) to 2 of my lil cousins. They gave me an incredibly time, pleasant & unpleasant. 1st, they are quite attention seekers, so it literally meant I can't sit down properly and finish my lunch on my own. Secondly, well they just have to ask just about ANYTHING.. the fun part is coming up with creative ways to answer them.(or cheat..lol) Still it was fun, did miss them abit after they went back Johor. Well, probably i'm just bored. Didn't take much photos of them cause they are camera shy.

I guess thats about cover it then. Also been eating loads of porridge this few days.. thanks to my ulser. Grhh.

Rest well and Rest till my heart's content. Life is gonna be on a shooting rocket in the coming months. Can't wait.

P/s: Yeah Yeah. I'm lazy to update my blog. Sue me! =P

What's up?

2011-03-17T01:23:00.001+08:00

Twenty - five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
And I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man
For whatever that means
And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What's going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?
Ooh, ooh ooh
And I try, oh my god do I try
I try all the time, in this institution
And I pray, oh my god do I pray
I pray every single day
For a revolution
And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What's going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?
Twenty - five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination

Awesome song That I bumped on a reality show called 'We got married'

Out of Shape

2011-03-14T08:23:00.002+08:00

VERY Out of Shape. I fully realized this just yesterday, which is Sunday. I still do some push ups & sit ups occasionally, however that is nothing .. lol.

Yesterday, met up with Keng, Jeff & Hau for lunch. After lunch, Hau suggested the idea we join him basketball with other ex-samtet students. I joined out of boredom.

When they started the game, I am having the K.O look within 15 minutes. Beating heart and walking like a old man .. lol! And now Monday morning hving cramps on both leg. = ="

Oh btw. Line is very bad this few days. Gah.

Also, bumped on this short clip, advertisement to be exact. However it's kinda inspiring .. lol. Also a good idea, watch it everyday before going to work. Bet it's gonna motivate you.

40 Day Dream

2011-03-05T01:13:00.000+08:00

This song might nt be most people's cup of tea. But it is definitely mine. Don't know why, but I am fairly addicted to it. Also added it into my playlist.

I've been sleeping for forty days and
Yeah, I know that I'm sleeping cause this dream's too amazing
She got gold doorknobs where her eyes used to be, yeah
One turn and I learned what it really means to see, yeah

It's the magical mystery kind
Must be a lie
Bye bye to the too good to be true kind of love
Oooooh I could die
Oooooh now, I could die

Now I've been sleeping for sixty days and
Nobody better pinch me
Bitch I swear, go crazy
She got jumper cable lips
She got sunset on her breath
I inhaled just a little bit
Now I got no fear of death

It's the magical mystery kind
Must be a lie
Bye bye to the too good to be true kind of love
Oooooh I could die
Oooooh now, I could die

It's the magical mystery kind
Must be a lie
Bye bye to the too good to be true kind of love
Oooooh I could die
Oooooh now, I could die

Finally did some photo shooting in conjunction with a friends birthday & outing with the Usst gang. More pictures will be up on fb soon.

At times. It just gotta do it.

2011-03-02T23:29:00.001+08:00

Sometimes life just really gave such a big slap that you literally tremble down to earth as if giving you this reminder that you are stone to the ground and all your fantasies of flying in the sky with the doves are all mere dreams.

Some people who unluckily got this slap(*who doesnt?) will choose to seclude themselves from the rest of the world to get a hold of themselves & think things through. They will then devise a strategy to stand back up. 1st with their hands, then their knees and finally back on their feet

Some, decided turn to their friends for support. If they are lucky they would get a hand boost from their friend and save the getting back on their knees part. Some unluckier ones will be judged instead and eventually found that instead of getting back up, they get buried into the ground. Be it criticism or circumstantial.

Those rare cases are when they would know whats what and give you the exact boost you will need to get back on your feet that you won't be pampered and be independant. Without asking. Sometimes, without them even knowing cause its just what they do. Those are the modern day saints i suppose.

Heck, I'm just being random.

Also, came across this quote

Everybody wants happiness, and nobody wants pain, but you can't have a rainbow, without a little rain.

Btw. I am literally dead tired. Working coupled with sleeping disorders KILLS.

p/s: Yeah i know, no more pictures. I will try to post some up next time.

You don't know me

2011-03-01T23:10:00.003+08:00

The song that carries the night away for the moment. Thanks to How I met your mother, again. xD

Square zero. Literally.

2011-02-24T19:44:00.001+08:00

I know I've been in the dark for almost half a week. But too much is going on in my life. Apologies if I left anyone(its alot of ppl, i know) in the dark bout my stpm results. I did very insanely badly for it. And as far as i know, the cert i got is practically useless. It's just I hate giving ppl bad news. Be it is on them or on me.

As for now, i have a tons of figuring out to do. To be more specific, figure out what is my next step.

Tried smtg with Photoscape too. Gonna tweak on it more see what result i can get.

Same thing different time

2011-02-20T22:01:00.000+08:00

Judgment day tomorrow. Oh well.

Should I sleep tonight?? LOL

Best of luck everyone.

Waiting outside the lines

2011-02-15T01:46:00.001+08:00

by Greyson Chance

You'll never enjoy your life,
living inside the box
You're so afraid of taking chances,
how you gonna reach the top?

Rules and regulations,
force you to play it safe
Get rid of all the hesitation,
it's time for you to seize the day

Instead of just sitting around
and looking down on tomorrow
You gotta let your feet off the ground,
the time is now

I'm waiting, waiting, just waiting,
I'm waiting, waiting outside the lines
Waiting outside the lines
Waiting outside the lines

Try to have no regrets
even if it's just tonight
How you gonna walk ahead
if you keep living behind

Stuck in my same position,
you deserve so much more
There's a whole world around us,
just waiting to be explored

Instead of just sitting around
and looking down on tomorrow

A nice song. Nways re-watched 500days of summer today out of boredom. Also, gonna start work officially tomoro. Anything beats then being stuck at home atm and being a dead weight.

You can't ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple Earthly event. Coincidence. That's all anything really is, nothing more then coincidence. There are no miracles, there's no such thing as fate, and nothing is meant to be. - Narrator.

Someday!

2011-02-14T01:06:00.001+08:00

Heard this song while watching How I Met Your Mother.

As for life now. Gonna get my life back on track. Prepare my self mentally/emotionally to face the STPM result. And, hard to say this, but start being healthy.

Well, trying to sleep and wake up on time has already been a challenge for me lately. So this other task wont be as easy as it sounds for me.

What's the next step James?. Well people that ask that most of the time I have already prepared a list of things to say. It's like giving a presentation or interview. But honestly? NAH, it's too personal to tell. :P

But for one I can tell, the next step is pretty unknown.. like setting your foot into the ocean. Definitely not easy.

The step ahead is pretty dark

(photo taken by Junie)

Well. Happy Valentines day people. Couples have fun xD

Then I realized

2011-02-09T19:16:00.000+08:00

I should had kept the promise I made to myself.

Nothing else matters now.

Lunar Bunny!

2011-02-03T20:40:00.000+08:00

*inside joke*

So this year was kinda boring and slow for CNY. No cny mood .. and till now nt even 1 ang pau. Grandpa passed away .. tradition. ToT. Desperately needs an angpau hunt.

Well reunion dinner was jst me mom & dad. Still the dishes never fails :D

Few compared to other year. But then, Quality over quantity :)

Also tried out the new(2nd hand) flashgun. Trying to get used to using it.

Perubahan

2011-02-02T03:21:00.000+08:00

Dont even ask me why I used this language.

Got this song from How I met your mother. Will elaborate more on the series later.

Truthfully. I wasnt prepared for this coming tide.
I never saw it coming in the first place.
How awesome life is if there is an injector seat that you could jst pull the plug and inject away from this place. But no, you cant.

P/s: Damn la.. Cny cant spend wif cousins.

I'm not afk

2011-01-29T03:45:00.000+08:00

Infact that is what I hardly am doing but that for this moment in life. Anyways.. Behold earthlings!! I'm back blogging!! Maybe I didnt say it, but i was taking a short break frm blogging.. well coz i hav nothing to blog about. Well I'm back typing so expect this to be a PRETTY LONG POST. Well mostly pictures :P

New songs on the playlist btw.

Well, lets talk about ... my trip to Genting! Last week. It was awesome and pics are up on my facebook. Some previews here.

The People

You know, I was convinced I am prepared for all sorts of rides. So I sat this.. and

Something close to this happened. Fast and Furious.

Gave a try on this ride too. Makes you feel like you can fly..LOL

The view of the theme park.

Sports car too. Friend says its Ferrari Italia.

Light beams due to the midst at night

Find this 'tree' pretty amazing too

And guess what are they made off. lol

Lighting effect due to the mids

Also, the champion of arcade games *in our group at least*

well Thats Genting.

Went to a christian dinner just now. Well if ur still wondering Its almost like Church serivce + Dinner. I suspect this style is invented by Chinese.. HAHA. Well .. i Jst sat down and listen for 5mins I dozed off. Mom was beside nudging every 5mins to keep me awake. Barely. Guess my abnormal sleeping pattern has taken a toll. Time to really get back on a normal sleeping cycle.

P/s: I skipped one day of sleep and i havent payed my sleeping debt yet..lol

And well, sometimes it takes you to fall down to realize that you are just an ordinary person. This doesnt only applies to the physical. Well, so much for the Mighty Orange *inside joke*

And yeah. I need to talk. Like a real one.

Anything but this

2011-01-23T00:15:00.002+08:00

Everything. I can talk about, I can think what its like. But except this.

Twenty is coming. And in this 2 decades of life It seems i have never experienced it. Or maybe I had but I just refuse to admit it. What it's like really? on the inside.

In what ever case. This is just another crap post for my weary mind to hang out.

Begone.

Bare with all these short meaningless post for awhile. Atm I cant summon the intention to sit down and write a full post. Try to be back asap.

So what you wanna do when you grow up?

2011-01-22T02:47:00.000+08:00

Those questions asked by uncles, aunties, korkor, jiejie, frens and the list never ends.

well the question of my teenage life. Answer is ofc

I wanna be what everyone else wanna be. A complete success and I will settle for nothing less. (epic pic eh? xD)

Well. Everybody's definition of success is very different.