Mays, or Maybes.

As a new month sets in, guess I am on different grounds now. Officially, I am into my 2nd year of studies. Time sure pass by fast.

I am quite distressed at the moment. Filled with anxiety and insecurities. Sem Break always gave me loads of time to think. But maybe I've been thinking too much. I've been planning too much for the future, and for that I've jeopardize my experience of the present.

I wish to be a child again sometimes, without a world to face but just the embrace of my parents. I wish to be as naive as a kid again, I would do better without those blardy two faced bitches and sons of bitches. But time has always been true and unkind. It never lies and it never waits.

I am gonna start letting things go. Let things just ride by it's own. I've been holding on to ideologies and concepts to the point of being dogmatic. It's hard, but it's time to open up my mind. I might go back to being my old self, but they said admitting is the 1st step of change.

There's always a child in us.

Yes. I screwed up. I made things complicated. Perhaps I am too blinded by what I wanted to fully realize whats best for everyone. Perhaps, I was at that heat of the moment, selfish. Perhaps, that wasn't even the right one at all.

I'll wait. By faith I believe, someday when the time is right, things will fall into it's place.

Bumped on this song when i was going through Joel's song collection.

Conversation with the Stars by Brightwood

My love, I'll wait for you
Will you wait for me?
Mmm-mmm-mmm

For now, I'll make believe
I'm a knight, riding to your castle
Mmm-mmm-mmm

I'm almost there

I went to a hillside
Laid down with the stars
I heard a cricket's love song
But nothing of you

Laid awake countless nights thinking
What you might be like
Out of an ocean of faces
Have I met your eyes?

Rivers and Roads

by The Head and The Heart

a year from now we'll all be gone
all our friends will move away
and they're going to better places
but our friends will be gone away

nothing is as it has been
and i miss your face like hell
and i guess it's just as well
but i miss your face like hell

been talking bout the way things change
and my family lives in a different state
and if you don't know what to make of this
then we will not relate
so if you don't know what to make of this
then we will not relate

rivers and roads
rivers and roads
rivers 'til i reach you

 

something like an au lang syne, a song of goodbyes, just that this is more, well, deep i guess. Even the band name sounds good. Imo.

6hours30minutes to my Final Paper of this year.

 

Honestly? I think I did very bad this semester. Literally calculating minimum marks needed to pass. Been slacking off quite abit too. I regret bitterly as I see my coursework mark, regret, but not given up. Fight on like a mad man and now I can only cross my fingers and hope the mad dash effort for my finals was well worth the sacrifice.

I know it's my fault if I fail. Yet, Go easy on my conscious. I know I've been told to take the blame.

 

Been helluva ride this week, seriously. Gonna be absent minded after tomorrow 10am for at least a period of time. Gonna head back to my home, my safe heaven, where I can do all the figuring out that I want or perhaps just let things go and supplement the complexity with ignorance.

 

Simplicity is merely the absence of acknowledgement same goes to complexity is just the absence of ignorance.

Hmm .. pics will come soon! :D

David Story - Second Great War

Check the lyrics too.

Somehow a song full of mysteries and questions. Yet also a song I can relate too. Been awhile I felt so powerless fighting against a situation. But still if it's not meant to be I have to fight against it till the ver end, when my mind will slowly but surely give in.

Fix You

Song originally sang by Coldplay but this is Boyce Avenue's cover. Which in my opinion is just as awesome as the original one or maybe slightly better at some parts.

Send me all your angels tonight, I'm barely hanging on.

Unending Love

by Hillsongs

Got to know this song from CF Facebook page. Pretty much a prayer I would wanna pray to Him right now. 

Letting go of my pride
I lay down my desires
Just to worship in Spirit and truth
More than all of my dreams
More than fame I will seek You Lord

P/s: Never loose sight of the finishing line.

Sixpence none the richer

 Kiss Me Lyrics

Was watching a fan video(sunny's) that day and i heard this song. Find it quite soothing and nice :)

The last time

Bumped on this song while I was re-watching invincible youth(Yes, i am that free). Find it pretty awesome. The lyrics itself is gold.

Aside from that, things seems to be going according to plan to my delight. But don't think my feet could agree with me. Also surprised myself today .. doing more then my normal quota of swimming n jogging. Apparently the stamina training is proven effective.. well hopefully.

I hate going into games(whatever games) and then start gasping for air like an old man in 5 mins.

By My Side - David Choi

Bumped onto this song life a few weeks ago. To be exact, I was anticipating this song since WongFu Productions released a sneak peak b4 hand. Find the MV quite interesting and deep, which is always the one of the signatures of Wongfu(others are random and funny). Still, they excel at bringing new perspective and creativity. Songs above, lyrics below. Enjoy :)
Probably gonna get some tutorial of this song from Youtube when time permits, or if i remember. This is definitely a song that I would wanna sing/play to her, when I finally meet her :).

I'm just listening to the clock go ticking,
I am waiting as the time goes by.
I think of you with every breath I take,
I need to feel your heartbeat next to mine.
You're all I see, in everything.

I just wanna hold you,
I just wanna kiss you,
I just wanna love you all my life.
I normally wouldn't say this,
but I just can't contain it.
I want you here forever,
right here by my side.

All the fears you feel inside,
and all the tears you cry,
they're ending right here.
I'll heal your heart and soul;
I'll keep you oh so close.
Don't worry; I'll never let you go.
You're all I need, you're everything.

I just wanna hold you,
I just wanna kiss you,
I just wanna love you all my life.
I normally wouldn't say this,
but I just can't contain it.
I want you here forever,
right here by my side.

No one else will ever do.
I got a stubborn heart for you.
Call me crazy, but its true; I love you.
I didn't think that it would be,
you have made it clear to me.
You're all I need.

I just wanna hold you,
I just wanna kiss you,
I just wanna love you all my life.
I normally wouldn't say this,
but I just can't contain it.
I want you here forever,
right here by my side.

Probably gonna get some tutorial of this song from Youtube when time permits, or if i remember. This is definitely a song that I would wanna sing/play to her, when I finally meet her :). 

It's a good life

I cleared every single song from my playlist. Was actually going to refill it with new songs but turns out the 'Add Url' button for the widget is missing. So screw it, I'm lazy to use Mixpod's search song function.

Anyhow. This song caught me yest night while I was watching a show. After a whole morning of searching and digging I finally found it.

A must hear! And pretty much a suitable wedding song :D. For the slides I mean.

Baby, I was fading
And baby I was waiting
For someone out there to save my soul,
To love me in the good times
To hold me in the bad times
Someone to make me smile anew
Who really paints those gray skies blue
I was looking for a good life
Just looking for a good life
A good life

And baby I was crying
'Cause all around was dying
Until the day that you came along,
You opened up those blue skies
And now we only get highs
I never found a love so strong
And it's just keeps on rolling,
It keeps me going on
And baby it's a good life
I got you by my side tonight
Baby, it's a good life
And everything is right tonight

Well I thought I was strong,
A fool played in a wise man
And that it's easy now for me to say
'Cause I'm smiling away
Oh baby, baby it's a good life, good life
Baby it's a good, good life, alright

I found someone to make my whole life new
That's somebody I found is you
It's a good life, new life
Baby, it's a good life
Oh baby, it's a good life
I got you by my side tonight
Baby it's a good life
And everything is alright tonight

Well, I love you baby,
I really love you baby
That's why everything is right
Life is good, life is fine
Oh baby, it's a good life 

What's up?

Twenty - five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
And I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man
For whatever that means
And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What's going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?
Ooh, ooh ooh
And I try, oh my god do I try
I try all the time, in this institution
And I pray, oh my god do I pray
I pray every single day
For a revolution
And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What's going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?
Twenty - five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination 

Awesome song That I bumped on a reality show called 'We got married' 

40 Day Dream

This song might nt be most people's cup of tea. But it is definitely mine. Don't know why, but I am fairly addicted to it. Also added it into my playlist.

 

I've been sleeping for forty days and
Yeah, I know that I'm sleeping cause this dream's too amazing
She got gold doorknobs where her eyes used to be, yeah
One turn and I learned what it really means to see, yeah

It's the magical mystery kind
Must be a lie
Bye bye to the too good to be true kind of love
Oooooh I could die
Oooooh now, I could die

Now I've been sleeping for sixty days and
Nobody better pinch me
Bitch I swear, go crazy
She got jumper cable lips
She got sunset on her breath
I inhaled just a little bit
Now I got no fear of death

It's the magical mystery kind
Must be a lie
Bye bye to the too good to be true kind of love
Oooooh I could die
Oooooh now, I could die

It's the magical mystery kind
Must be a lie
Bye bye to the too good to be true kind of love
Oooooh I could die
Oooooh now, I could die 

Finally did some photo shooting in conjunction with a friends birthday & outing with the Usst gang. More pictures will be up on fb soon.

You don't know me

The song that carries the night away for the moment. Thanks to How I met your mother, again. xD

Waiting outside the lines

by Greyson Chance

You'll never enjoy your life,
living inside the box
You're so afraid of taking chances,
how you gonna reach the top?

Rules and regulations,
force you to play it safe
Get rid of all the hesitation,
it's time for you to seize the day

Instead of just sitting around
and looking down on tomorrow
You gotta let your feet off the ground,
the time is now

I'm waiting, waiting, just waiting,
I'm waiting, waiting outside the lines
Waiting outside the lines
Waiting outside the lines

Try to have no regrets
even if it's just tonight
How you gonna walk ahead
if you keep living behind

Stuck in my same position,
you deserve so much more
There's a whole world around us,
just waiting to be explored

Instead of just sitting around
and looking down on tomorrow 

A nice song. Nways re-watched 500days of summer today out of boredom. Also, gonna start work officially tomoro. Anything beats then being stuck at home atm and being a dead weight.

You can't ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple Earthly event. Coincidence. That's all anything really is, nothing more then coincidence. There are no miracles, there's no such thing as fate, and nothing is meant to be. - Narrator.

Someday!

Heard this song while watching How I Met Your Mother.

As for life now. Gonna get my life back on track. Prepare my self mentally/emotionally to face the STPM result. And, hard to say this, but start being healthy.

Well, trying to sleep and wake up on time has already been a challenge for me lately. So this other task wont be as easy as it sounds for me.

What's the next step James?. Well people that ask that most of the time I have already prepared a list of things to say. It's like giving a presentation or interview. But honestly? NAH, it's too personal to tell. :P

But for one I can tell, the next step is pretty unknown.. like setting your foot into the ocean. Definitely not easy.

The step ahead is pretty dark

(photo taken by Junie)

Well. Happy Valentines day people. Couples have fun xD

To the top

Im off to Genting. Take some timeout from Ipoh. It's been a heck of a stressful week.. Shit happens. Things may seem better now and I hope it will last. Gonna have all the craziest fun in Genting :)

and a song I bumped on 'How I met your mother'

Inside of Love - Nada Surf

watching terrible tv
it kills all thoughts
Getting spacier than
An astronaut
Making out with people
I hardly know or like
I can't believe what i do
Late at night

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I'm standing at the gates
I see the beauty above

Only when we get to see
The aerial view
Will the patterns show
We'll know what to do
I know the last page so well
I can't read the first
So i just don't start
It's getting worse
[chorus]
I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I'm standing at the gates
I see the beauty above

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I can't find my way in
I try again and again

I'm on the outside of love
Always under or above
I can't find my way in
I try again and again

I'm on the outside of love
Always under or above
Must be a different view
To be a me with a you

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I'm standing at the gates
I see the beauty above

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
Of course i'll be alright
I just had a bad night

What its like inside of love?

我喜歡..不,我愛

Credits to jeff for recommending this song.

Listening to Chinese songs again = =. Prob is cause of CNY mood? lol. 

CNY. This year is gonna be quiet. After grandpa passed away... its Chinese tradition that we cant celebrate it. No more family gathering D: .. and gonna miss all my cous. Well I hav this sorta feel that things is gonna change after this year.

But still looking forward to house visitation!! :D

Got a pair of Corcs too when shopping wif parents. Freebiess!! Muahahahhaha.

Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

-Alfred Lord Tennyson

2011

Well you see, this year is something different. I went to KL on new year.. it was a last last minute decision and I wasnt even properly rested.. Dozed off immediately after enter car. 

I've been doing alot of thinking during this trip.. since im away from almost anything. And i come to realized a few things. Things that were suppose to be important in my life that I neglected, things that werent important but I put it as priority instead.

My 1st priority would be putting God 1st and ahead of everything. I know all too well that last year and the year before I did anything but that. Those prayers that I made that I've surrendered my life to Him should not have fallen into lies. This year i'm gonna live by it.

I started my year by attending a wedding dinner.. lets hope it brings me luck for my single status..LOL. Was quite a thrill ride as dad tried to get accustomed to the gps brought by one of my mom's fren.

The dinner was pretty grand. The grandest thus far I've attend.. But the food is just so so only. Not so fresh and not really that tasty.. kinda let down for a hotel of this status.

some of the pictures taken too..

 *this picture quality kinda sucks.. But I like the couple's post.. LOL

 *yam seeeeennnggggg!!!!

 *Yam seeeeeeenggggg tooo!!! xD

One of the song from back in the days when I was a teenager hit me when I was writing this post. Kinda makes me nostalgic too.. back in those days..

A thousand times I've failed

Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

Things will definitely be different this year. I'm no longer afraid to embrace changes.. its a part of life.

Like it or not. One things for sure, This year is gonna be an awesome year and an interesting one infact. :)

Have a blessed year ahead peeps :)

Over my head

Over my foot, my pillow, my chocolate waffle. Over you By Daughtry

Wanted to actually post up a long post about my year end conclusion of the whole year. But anyhow bumped on this song in my playlist and I decided to post up this song instead. Hence, another emo-ish post. Bah.

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.

Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
i got over you.

Friends

To those who were there to walk me out of hell, I can't really find anything that come close to repaying your deed. But for now, I can only offer a simple heart felt thank you. It took me long enough to realize that I can't do this alone. 

Random much. I know.

360°

360th post as well!!! :D

45/60. Well it's safe, but definitely not what I aimed for. But given the fact its last minute study.. guess I have to make do with it.. and fingers crossed that I didn't screw up totally on my essay.. else I won't even get a B on General Studies.. leave alone my aim of getting an A.

Anyhow I breathed a sigh of relief cause it was better then I initially expected. I was thinking it would be 30plus only .. cause i was skipping lots of questions when I did the paper. But well, guess I'm just blessed :)

smiling honestly

And Your love is for me
And Your love is for me
And Your love is forever

- True Worshiper's You are my father

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

Just like the ones I used to know

Christmas is coming. For some weird out of this world reason, almost every single of my Christmas holds unpleasant memories. Well ..almost.

Just yesterday, Dad made Pizza again.. Which is as awesome as usual :D

And its 11more days to the finishing line. Then I can spend less time here from then on

Her picture

Hope it works

The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross
And I'll laugh about all that we've lost
Calendar Girl who is lost to the world
Stay Alive

Be it hell or high water.