Soft Spot?

Put me in a small group with all of my best buddies.
And I can speak loud and wide, ranging from world issues to crapping about laughing maniacs conquering the known universe.

Put me in a small group with nobody that I really know.
And I will be the quiet and only speak when its necessary or when opinion is needed.

Put me in a large group with everyone that I know well.
And I might speak artfully, commanding attention.

Put me in a room of 200 people with majority of them are total strangers to me.*gasp
Well.. let's see what will happen tomorrow.



I know that to some, or most peoples my age, speaking infront of a large crowd aint a problem nor is it an issue at all. Its a different story for me however. Guess being outspoken and charismatic isnt one of my traits yet. But yeah, as a friend had shared to me, these traits are nurtured and trained step by step. Today was supposed to do a presentation for my class. However due to some technical issues its postponed to tomorrow. CRAP.

To put this in another perspective, in a Christian perspective to be exact. This is definitely one of those times God has pushed me out of my comfort zones and wants me to have an upgrade, if not a few.

From past experience, I did perform dramas in front of crowds..on occasions hundreds of them. However, doing a presentation is a whole different matter. I remember clearly one of my habits while speaking out loud is to get choked half way.. lost of words or even spit out 'Uhh' or 'Erm' . Well, this is unacceptable to me. Let's hope tomorrow I wont choke and panic. To make matters worse, I don't really understand what am I suppose to present. God bless me.. LOL.

*gasp again :P

well, most of them arent paying attention anyways

Putting aside the facing crowds crisis, I am also facing some problems at my class. My Chem teacher has been of bad mood lately cause of some stupid reasons. Rampaging through the class scolding almost everyone, I can only barely escape. My 'beloved'(*vomits) chem teacher also had changed target from Melvin to Me a week ago thanks to my epic fail in Chem and poor attendance. Well, thanks to my classmates giving me the early warning, I had been a frigging good boy during Chem periods. Sitting there starring at the board/teacher, not sleeping.. not even moving at all.It may seems I am paying unrivaled concentration, however looks can be deceiving. I tried hard, like really hard to comprehend what she is trying to teach us.. yet all in vain. GAH.. guess I really have to study Chem on my own.

So much for now.



P/s:What if? I open that locked door and let you in one more time? Fear of a heartbreak has dealt a toll on me and I still couldn't forgive myself for letting you in my life years ago.