No its not okay

took me forever to realize that fact.


Readers caution: The below paragraph is an outburst of my emotion which I believe would make me feel better if I wrote it here. If its disturbing, well stop reading. If it would really disturb you reader's in anyway when you guys are reading half way.. well do your self a favor, stop your curiosity and stop reading. Curiosity kills a cat.
P/s: What you read may not be what you think it is. Think again.


Okay well.. since a good face to face listener is so hard to find these days..I'll type some out here.

Well put it this way .. I figured I've recovered and ready to take on the world again after some mishaps & mistakes that happened recently. Well .. i'm suspecting that last week was the 1st signs of the trouble buried down under resurfaced.

I thought I was cured of this chronic disease in some way.. but I was wrong. I only feed it with antibiotics...now that it mutated it isnt enough and its coming back strong and hard. The side effects can be seen clearly. I tried, tried to lie to myself a dozen times that it wasnt a problem neither should it take any blame at all.. but its just not the case. And 2nd phase would be Guilt rushing in like an army into a castle with its gate wide open. Guilt for all the incompetence, for all the screw ups, for all the mistakes that would soon overshadow my daylight.

Pathetic. I could even understand how this disease progresses.. obviously i'm quite familiar to it. The usual cure would be find another drug to replace the old one. It cures the symptom yet not the root of the problem. No, no more replacements, this time I need a new commitment. Commitment to my principles. The architecture of a firm base that I wont crumble anymore.






How to avoid taking in all the emotions of anyone walking out of your life?
Don't let anyone in. It never fails.

PEE/ASS: - P/s: well..I guess I need a listener.