Resistance

Dear idealist, perhaps now its time to lay down those arms. Perhaps now its time to reconsider, is it really worth fighting for. Perhaps its time to ask, are we the waiting?

The strain is just too much.

I know i loved. and that I loved fully, deeply, quietly. but now, the end of the road is here. I sincerely regret for allowing myself to be hurt. I no longer can spare such capacity, i need to direct my energy else where. Where it is more meaningful, where it would do the world more good. Dear rabbit, if only i could summon an ounce more of strength i will still keep the race going. But for this race, i just think i couldnt complete it.

Dear God,

it hurts. And i want to hide myself from this.

I dislike that life no longer has an option for me to recede or disappear.

Dear God,

I feel lost. I feel uncertain. That of which i was surefooted on solid ground before felt like waters now. God, lead me, where my feet may fail.

Stars

I would like to bring you out of town someday, where we would gaze at the untainted night sky, at the stars, and talk. About our fears, our dreams, our crimes, our secrets and about God

Whoever you will be. Someday.

Rest

Dear God, I desperately need it. May i not think about life for a moment? May i take a break from making deliberate steps to fulfill goals? May i, for this moment in time, let go of all things, and just live?

Convictions

Perhaps someday or tomorrow i am called to abandon it all and follow my convictions. Perhaps. You know those prayers where you made "God, I'll do anything for You" ? God takes it seriously. As said. Be careful on what you pray for.

God, give me wisdom. Wisdom to say the right prayers, wisdom to know words that pleases You, actions that glorifies you. Wisdom, to know what I should wait for.

The Haunting

"Jangan benarkan apa yang menghantuimu, menghalangmu." - Ps.Kenneth, 2014

To be honest, the past is in many ways, scary. Many times i look back, i cringe, teared, ached of what could've and what shouldn't have. Many times I blame myself for allowing things to take place, to avail myself to be hurt, to let those walls down. Some of those times, the pain still echoes.

I have a very bad experience with relationships. One that has cause me to have a great amount of distrust and speculation of the opposite. One that had imprinted in me that they are all the same.

Yet every time, i'll still cautiously let down the wall a little, to have a peek, to have snippets to small talks. I'm at a point now where i've gone pass the safety zone, where if things swayed, like it or not i'll get hurt. Frankly, it's terrifying. It's terribly scary. "No one falls in love without being a little brave"

The past is haunting me, hounding me that she is the same as the rest. That she play games.That she is a trickster. But i should not make up conclusions. The past serves as a lesson, to be cautious, to ready myself for the dreams, miracles and possibilities of the future. I should teach me to be cautious, and not fearful. It should teach me to be wise, not paranoid. It should make me, a better man.