How deep indeed.

and how vast beyond all measure.

And yet again this 'Yes' is a yes too big to yes to. Am I really prepared for it? The complications? The dealings with people? The grounds I have to stand for. Is this it?

孤

这单身,孤军作战的人生时而非常累人.时而吧.也许我的时候还没有到来,但喜欢她那像个天仙又怎样,轮也不轮到我,别傻了!

of Life, of Love, of Tears

Faith is not a fire
As much as it's a glow
A quiet lovely burning
Underneath the snow
And it's not too much
It's just enough to give me hope
Cause love moves slow
Love moves slow

I've been resume this book called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" gave by a friend on my birthday. I stopped half way nearly 5 years ago lol. Well it's not like I am actively involved in dating or anything, but I decided that I just wanna take this next step of life the right way. Truth to be told, there are of course like any normal 22 year old bachelor man,  people that I am interested in, even as far as people that I will picture to have a future with. But there is a doubt, ever present. Questions which I always asks myself, I do not know her well enough yet, What if things change, What if, most crucially, I changed?

Let me explain my personal "Phone Acquiring Plan theory". It may not apply to most people cause It is based on my experience.

It starts with this magnificent, awesome, phone that is released to the public. Usually, top of the line. A phone that will really capture my imagination as the ideal phone. Right with the palm, easy on the eyes also works like a charm.

I will then initiate a master plan to acquire a phone, when I mean master I do really mean a series of smaller plans and goals where the end game is me being able to procure the phone. Sounds a little crazy I know. It usually involves saving money(duh), choosing the right time to get it, reading reviews about it, follow up on it's progress, but most of all badgering my parents to let me have it.

I am usually monumentally patient about this process. I recently got a new phone, I waited an estimated 1 year to get it. Well 1st of it's because I could not find the right phone, then when I heard news about it, I waited patiently for it's release. Long story short, there will be a period where I am getting closer to get my phone, like it is a sure thing already, all that is left is going to the shop, making payments and walking away with it. The period leading up to the moment where I will be the new owner of a phone which I've desired, dreamed and day dreamed about.

Yet, moments leading up to it, there is doubt. Doubt, whether did I make the right choice? Doubt that whether will this risk taking pay off? Doubt, will my taste change and I find my new phone annoying instead of desirable. Sounds a bit too dramatic for just buying a phone, but not so for me. This situation is real, and it happened. Reason being when I get a phone, I will want to stick to it for years ahead, for the long run, hence I will always want something timeless, not trendy, but timeless.

Now this, same goes to me finding that very cliche-ed, very Hollywood-ed mindset driven called "Mrs-Right". But I am a person driven more by emotions than rational thinking. If I say emotions made me run the extra mile, taking the extra mile is an understatement. Emotions make me scale mountains, row through seas and running into the mouth of the storm, that's the scale of the extra mile. And this is ironically my Achilles heel.

Which is where, even my most sophisticated plan that I erected will still be all for nothing in this matter. Yet this book revealed to me that patience, is always the key. Most of our impatience, our lust rises from today's fast paced society where it focuses on getting what we want fast and if possible instantly. And we brought this mentality in finding our life partner. We want to engage intimately, enjoying the perks of intimacy. Still, that is just the tip of the iceberg. Anyhow, I will stop here, it is getting boring already with so many words.


Still, I am just retreating to my thoughts. I am trying to sort things out. And I am trying to let my better judgement take the lead this time.

And it's true

It is the little things that make life worth living.

"Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life. March 6th was a Wednesday"

Yet, we as humans, knowing time lost are time we're never getting back, will never fail to try to make the best out of it. And it is giving thanks on to the little things that happens are make those days in between, well, nice.

Personally, I just wanna thank God that I can thank God.

I guess

Seems like there is no escaping. So I said yes, and agreed to take on all the responsibilities and worries that comes with it. Perhaps it will be a smooth breeze or i'm in for sleepless nights. But yeah, that's something happening anyways, i'll not complain about it.

I just came back from campus camp, and it is truly rewarding. Pastor Dave explained to me the parable of the talents which clears up the air.

Still, there is the need to let go. I'm still stuck, not in a I can't let go of her way, but i am still holding on to principles and ideal logy that will not bode well in the long run. Anyway, this is it, back to basics, i think.

And I am just tired of life sometimes. Sometimes I just wanna escape from all this, studies, future, occupation, planning, just run away to some place and chill, zone out, or maybe even sleep. Bah, just thinking out loud.