Mourn

There are many reasons why we mourn.

I mourn, because she left us prematurely. Because I don't want to see another person I cared about to leave us on a cold hospital bed and a lonely hospital room. It's not fair that she have to go, she still so much more to experience in life. So much more to live for, so much more to see. So much more love to give and receive. Dear Aunt, family gatherings will have much less laughters now. I'll say it for one last time, you'll be sorely missed.

I also mourn, because it never hits me how disturbed I am when I finally got to know that this door is closed. Perhaps it's for the good, where I could move on and not linger on the pretense of false hope. But I'll stand by this, no matter what I said, you are perfect, and I really hoped we could be more than whatever we are now. But I guess I am not good enough, and perhaps he is someone better.

It has been a very mentally straining half a month. And I can't show any sign of fatigue or breakdown. It's tiring to be strong at the front at all times. This has been the suckiest month by far. I just wanna get this month over with now. Too much grief there is.

I guess the only uplifting part is I get to go on a short holiday tomorrow. To this orang asli camp and get my mind off things.