Should I

stumble again, i'm caught in your grace.

but

help me, Lord, not to hurt you anymore.
Grant me wisdom to discern, strength to endure and the will to overcome. 



I believe, as of now, as clear as I could make up my head to be, I am not normal. I don't feel like I know myself anymore. I feel like i'm a different person put together.

Dear Charlie,

why are you always attracted by the impossible.

Heed the whispers of the wise man, the phrases of logic from the roof.
the heart is a witty trickster, she is a temptress, a queen of disappointment.

But, regardless.

Jumping on

Somehow the next step is filled with excitement and at the same time fear. I fear of the new things I have to take up, the new form of rejection i have to brave, new responsibilities i have shelter and the relationships which i have to let go and the new ones i have to forge. I have no idea how I am facing this, and i felt like I am facing this alone.

It's worth it

a month of questioning, laboring, sacrifices. A month of inconsistent rest, roller coaster ride of stress and burden.

Seeing those hands raised that night, last night. I stood there, teared up a little, and told God, "Dear God, this is worth it, this is so worth it".

yet i realized, weirdly.

It is also a month of me drawing closer to God, me prying a little deeper into knowing God, also a month, of me practicing "lean not on your own understanding but rely on God".

I could not have believed all this is possible, I just could not, but it did. And I shall say, Praise God.

And

we don't care about the young folks
Talking 'bout the young style
And we don't care about the old folks
Talking 'bout the old style too
And we don't care about our own faults
Talking 'bout our own style
All we care about is talking
Talking only me and you

Sometimes you'll drop by something you'll never expect you'll like and got so overly addicted to it. As unwise as it sounds. 

Ground control

we lost major Tom.

Sometimes I feel like cowering behind a wall, and hide from the world. Away from the responsibilities, away from expectations, away from necessity and just live like how I i wanted to be.

Sometimes I feel like taking that discouragingly step away from that cliff. But everytime this surge of "you'll regret it" just fuse me to take the leap. That and me sometimes hearing the echo of a long lost love sing ground control to major Tom. She was long lost for a reason and she will be deemed so in the abyss.

Merry 2014

Same shit different timing. Just go back to living the principle of "the man I am today is never as good as the man I am tomorrow".

May all of your resolutions be pursued with utter fervency and dedication my friends. Lets take this year together.