Dear idealist

where art thou?

Perhaps I'm disappointed recently is in part due to that i did not do things i wanted to do before i enter the system. Perhaps.

I wanted to backpack travel to a foreign country once,
I wanted to camp, and stargaze, and sleep under the stars,
I wanted to volunteer, to help the unfortunate,
I wanted to start a project, any project, be it 100 days of happiness or some shit. And finish it.

I did nothing of this.
And i am honestly quite disappointed at myself. So eagerly hop into employment. Still, I am entering into employment at my free will, at my own desire. And i realize i have conflicting desires.

Perhaps I just need a little time to let this sink in, that I am, in fact, a working young adult now.
Funny isn't it? That now I'm at this stage where I honestly don't want to grow up.
There is so much room to think about that I realize my mind could not cover all the tracks, that at this point of time, for the first time of my life, i do have an end game plan, i do not have everything figured out. I can't figure everything out.


Perhaps, its time to faithfully have faith God will see me through this period.
Perhaps, this is another new phase which i dread.
or I am just tired and I am ranting.