Stars

I would like to bring you out of town someday, where we would gaze at the untainted night sky, at the stars, and talk. About our fears, our dreams, our crimes, our secrets and about God

Whoever you will be. Someday.

Rest

Dear God, I desperately need it. May i not think about life for a moment? May i take a break from making deliberate steps to fulfill goals? May i, for this moment in time, let go of all things, and just live?

Convictions

Perhaps someday or tomorrow i am called to abandon it all and follow my convictions. Perhaps. You know those prayers where you made "God, I'll do anything for You" ? God takes it seriously. As said. Be careful on what you pray for.

God, give me wisdom. Wisdom to say the right prayers, wisdom to know words that pleases You, actions that glorifies you. Wisdom, to know what I should wait for.

The Haunting

"Jangan benarkan apa yang menghantuimu, menghalangmu." - Ps.Kenneth, 2014

To be honest, the past is in many ways, scary. Many times i look back, i cringe, teared, ached of what could've and what shouldn't have. Many times I blame myself for allowing things to take place, to avail myself to be hurt, to let those walls down. Some of those times, the pain still echoes.

I have a very bad experience with relationships. One that has cause me to have a great amount of distrust and speculation of the opposite. One that had imprinted in me that they are all the same.

Yet every time, i'll still cautiously let down the wall a little, to have a peek, to have snippets to small talks. I'm at a point now where i've gone pass the safety zone, where if things swayed, like it or not i'll get hurt. Frankly, it's terrifying. It's terribly scary. "No one falls in love without being a little brave"

The past is haunting me, hounding me that she is the same as the rest. That she play games.That she is a trickster. But i should not make up conclusions. The past serves as a lesson, to be cautious, to ready myself for the dreams, miracles and possibilities of the future. I should teach me to be cautious, and not fearful. It should teach me to be wise, not paranoid. It should make me, a better man.

Silent flames

I do not believe in the mediocre. I believe deep down, everyone, has a flame, has a stand for something. Anything. I believe for a fact, that locked up in the depths of caverns is a burning desire to see something changed, to fight, to stand for a certain cause. I believe, each of us, as humans with average consciousness will have this deep hidden fire stored up inside.I believe, that many chose this way of living, because they are either too caught up with or have accepted and come to terms that those cavern flames are just tales and bedtime stories.

Yet i'm afraid. That i have grown comfortable with mediocracity. That I have come to accept and come to create an illusion for myself that I may sleep soundly knowing that purpose and causes are overrated. I'm afraid, i am starting to replace my goals with material goals, to supplement the purpose that I am desperately clinging on to get up from bed each morning. The unspoken, un-understood tug of war of the quiet idealistic 20s face each day. 




Convictions.

Yet, what do you do, when yours is beyond your reach? When yours, could very much consume your lifetime? When you know, if you follow through down this road, you will be burning many bridges to build just one bridge? What do you do? How do you even weigh your options? How do you explain to people and even come to terms to yourself if you make this decision? My time has not yet come for this decision perhaps, but once more, could i drink from this cup?

We don't serve God by our preference. We do not say  "God, I'm willing to drink this cup, but i prefer white coffee to black" Does a servant tell the master what work he prefers to do? No. We're called to serve, and to do well with what little is given to us. 

Probably a tough month ahead. Ending December with a literal bang i suppose.

Martian and Venusian

I once heard, men are from mars, and women are from venus (or was it the other way around?)

Give me a math equation, I will figure it out. Give me physics, i'll decipher it. Raise a mountain, i'll climb it, slowly but surely. But to understand someone from venus, it still puzzles me. Greatly. But then, i guess as time moves on pieces of it are forming.

I dislike unpredictable, inconclusive outcomes. I plan and make estimations to disallow life to surprise me. I prefer having a game plan knowing my calculated risk, and knowing what i would loose. But, as i just begin to understand, somethings cant be overly planned. Some outcomes cant be predicted.

An adventure is never one without a little uncertainty.

Pack those bags, I'm going to have much weight to carry, Ready the heart, it might be wounded along the way, Forgive, thyself and those before, and know that the past are a reason for a better tomorrow.

Dear God,

what i'm doing, what i'm desiring now. Does it pleases you? Is it Your will?

Little things

The few little surprises over the weekend that made it one of the best weekend i have in a long time. Thank you God, i probably really needed this.

Dear God,

"Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit" says the Lord Almighty. Zechariah 4:6

I'm holding on to You, because I'm not even quite sure what I am doing.

Dear man,

The man you are tomorrow has to be better than the man you are today.

It's tiring, but i'm still trying hard to live by it.
It's tiring, but my actions has always to be for the greater good.

Escape

It's like I am attracted to the sea. Every once a while I will need to travel to the beach and just stand and stare at the beyond.

The grains melded with his feet, soft but sturdy, fine and delicate. Saltwater hitting brushing up his toes and feet then recede trying to pull his feet back to the deep blue as they do. As if they are dragging him to the abyss, whispering of the great adventures and hushed secrets. But he stood, still and silent. He stood still and silent for quite sometime starring at an endless horizon. This sight always reminded him of there is more to life, more than just his needs, more to strive for, more and so much more to those trivial things. The saltwater was at it again, much aggressive sometimes as if they are annoyed that he is stoic, yet unpredictably gentle the next moment as if they are showing remorse. He stood, still and silent, but now giving in to the sea, entertaining the thoughts of the adventures to behold and the secrets to be found. Will he get to travel 20,000 leagues? He wondered. Will he embark on a journey to find Nemo again? Oh! Sea turtles! what about them? What about sunken galleys? Will he find one? With a derelict map or the captain's log, where the captain wrote the final entry of him, sinking with the ship, refusing to part with his love. These aren't his thoughts of course, the author decided what he thinks must not be revealed. It is a secret as deep as the ones that are held in the deep blue abyss.

It's dawn, and drizzles of rain now sprays on the sand, saltwater and him equally, as if an artist with a sophisticated foreign-ish name is flinging paints on the canvas. He knows then, its his time to recede. Back to the land, back to his duties, back to his responsibilities. Back to everything people called life. It's not enough, how he wished to have conversations with the deep blue mistress till the shadow of the sundial hits another line. He is slightly afraid. To face his expectations, to face his standards, to face the possibility of availing himself to be hurt. But he has to. It's life.

Penang has been great. Catching with the bunch really means a lot to me. It also gave me time to think things through. Gave me time to piece my thoughts together. These few months has been a surge of of things that i could not absorb. Now the counter is reset. I am ready to go take on life again.

And I realized the reason i like to travel and explore alone cause i will not need to be concern with people's time. I realized, that i enjoy exploring cause i can slowly discover at my pace without the constraint of time. Perhaps, deep down, secretly, I do enjoy traveling and exploring. But yeah, Penang is just a testing ground. Gonna start plotting my next trip. Somewhere albeit in Malaysia, but a little further.

Adventure awaits!

Conversations

with the stars.

No explanation needed.





I suppose subtlety is not my strong suit. Neither is being inconspicuous.
But God, i'll plan, with a submissive attitude. Cause all i truly have, is You.

Been awhile i posted a picture here. So, here goes.

Wake me up again when October starts

There is so much change in life for September. I went on from an intern to accepting a contract staff and before the month ends, i was told there was a full time position opening. 1 day before i start my contract staff position.

insanity. Literal insanity.

I need time to adjust to life's pace. I wish to have 2 weeks where I can go see the stars alone, with my camera. I want time to figure things out. Time alone for a week or two.

I'm still trying. To be a better man. I'm honestly trying really hard. It's tiring. It's draining. But I am still trying.

Better

I'm trying. I'm honestly trying to be better. It's so tiring. But I am still fighting on.

Dear idealist

where art thou?

Perhaps I'm disappointed recently is in part due to that i did not do things i wanted to do before i enter the system. Perhaps.

I wanted to backpack travel to a foreign country once,
I wanted to camp, and stargaze, and sleep under the stars,
I wanted to volunteer, to help the unfortunate,
I wanted to start a project, any project, be it 100 days of happiness or some shit. And finish it.

I did nothing of this.
And i am honestly quite disappointed at myself. So eagerly hop into employment. Still, I am entering into employment at my free will, at my own desire. And i realize i have conflicting desires.

Perhaps I just need a little time to let this sink in, that I am, in fact, a working young adult now.
Funny isn't it? That now I'm at this stage where I honestly don't want to grow up.
There is so much room to think about that I realize my mind could not cover all the tracks, that at this point of time, for the first time of my life, i do have an end game plan, i do not have everything figured out. I can't figure everything out.


Perhaps, its time to faithfully have faith God will see me through this period.
Perhaps, this is another new phase which i dread.
or I am just tired and I am ranting.

Geronimo & leaps

Sometimes I think too much. Too far ahead. Included too much possibilities.

All in an effort to anticipate whats next. I suppose this was grown from me playing chess in early child hood. I always try to imagine all the possible outcomes but to be still be caught off guard most of the time in the end.

I guess for this time, let's yell geronimo and take the plunge in the great unknown.

"Adventure awaits!"

Decisions

The decision which I am to take now, has to be out of personal conviction. Not because a book said so, not because some one said its the right way. But its out of my own conviction.

I have to take this step. I got myself into it the first place and now I have to get myself out. For my own sake. For the sake of the people i am going to meet in the future. For so much more.

All this for the greater good. No regrets. I'd need time to get over it. Probably I'll mourn and probably i'll have to bury this deep into the ground. But no regrets.

For the greater good.

And? well, the earth, laughs in flowers.

Do you know laugh is contagious? I've observed on this subject so much that I have my own conclusions up my own back of my head.

It's funny. That I am progressing in life but I am struggling to make decisions. Crossroads that you're coming across and the position you're in where you have to be very independent.

I guess this is part of growing up? God, i'm committing everything to you. I've given up on making my own way. I'll plan, but with an attitude of surrenderrance, knowing and willing to let You change as You see fit. And dear rabbit. That includes you. You gotta go.

Perhaps till time is right. Or perhaps finally when something else.

"we're always so caught up with our own problems that we forgot the ultimate purpose, and the higher calling"

Openings

Apparently a contract staff position opened. Should i?

Dear Rabbit

How is it possible that you still lingered?

But yet apparently, here I am, baited to stay, baited to dig deeper, probably deeper than before, probably chasing blind dreams and madness. I know i have a fair share of blind dreams that would make even the idiotic optimist laugh and probably my madness is induced by work. Perhaps I am right now an unstable concoction. Perhaps.

By my calculations and self drawn out timeline by now i should've had moved on, forget about, and be very dive deep in work. But i guess numbers don't always tell the truth. If they do, mathematicians would've ruled the world.

Aside from the unmeaningful, totally non-related to me post, Msft extended my internship. Woots. 1 little step closer to full time. A small step for an intern, a giant leap for James.



P/s: Maybe we should stop those shenanigans. Selfishly for my own good.

Days

There are days where it is just so bad that it could not even be described. Days where you're so weak and tired that you do not even want to complain but to just go to be silently and pray for a better day tomorrow. Today is one of those days.

Such is life

So intern. I don't even know where to start. So much went on, so much went through and still so much more.

Nah. I won't talk about it yet. It's work hard, play hard. And sleep is optional.

Cause

I prayed. And if it should be then it will be. I have no qualms of it. I will take this differently this time.

"Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now"

God, I pray for nothing but that You'll be with me.

Dear God,

I miss her. And I'm afraid I will miss her for many nights to come.

Attenuated

“My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations.”
― John Green

So true. So true.

So I do read. And I do appreciate writings. The more I know about myself. Shocking. Really.

June-s

There is this weird re-occurrence that June is usually the most challenging or the most down of the month for me. It's just that most years, things bound to pop up during this time and I've have to deal with it.

Just saying. These are just words of a guy been spending time with himself mostly for a week. A goodness it is so satisfying. Time to myself, time to have deepthoughts, time to be lost in thinking about all the possible future, time to think about all the past were it to happen differently. Time to align, what is important as well.

"What a slut time is. She screws everybody"

Soliloquies

Many of them when i'm in solitary mode. Words for, words to and words about.

There is so much hate in this world, so much grief, so much bitterness, and so much pain. Those with the capacity to do regardless, should whisper dandelions and lilies to it.

Epilogues

there are so many of them in life. Those little moments before you jump head over heels into a new phase.

Intern starts in a few days, Singapore in a week plus.

I'll be spending my birthday, leaving Malaysia. Perhaps symbolically, this means something, that i have to leave the past behind. Perhaps I need to deny myself all those for all that would be. Or perhaps I am just thinking too much, trying to find significance in the chaos of coincidence.

It's not all that bad i guess. There won't be any anticipation to see what would happen, there won't need to be awkward possible surprises that friends make last minute just cause it is the social protocol. My birthday would be spent on going new places, experiencing new things, jumping into the literal unknown. Probably it is the best way to start of my new phase of life.


God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And the strength to endure. Please.

Weekends

Occasionally, they made me understood or perhaps remember what God is doing, going to do and wants to do. Revo weekend has reminded me of the importance of surrendering to God, the importance of giving everything to God, even my dreams, my ambitions, my plans, and reluctantly sometimes, my deepest desires. But I surrender all, regardless.

I'm at peace cause all things work together for good for those who love Him and is called according to His purpose.

Goodbyes

I honestly do not know how to bid goodbye to the rabbit. I've been so deep in the rabbit hole that by the time i realized its already gonna be a hard climb out. 2 weeks plus to goodbyes. I wonder do you know that we'll probably 'see you when i see you' and probably be distant strangers. I'll probably remember you longer and more, and I'll probably just fade in your mind. I have my dreams to chase, career to build, calling to answer. If i only I can elope away with you.

But its not right.

I would always pray, God take away wrong desires, or desires that does not align with Your will.


Ahhh, empty shenanigans when you're too free and your mind wander. TIME TO FLICK.

And

I'll meet your eyes, for the every first time, for the very last.

It has been a year since. I couldn't forget that morning that we speed to the hospital from Ipoh to KL. I still couldn't forget how tightly you clenched my hands. I still couldn't forget.

I hate hospitals.

Chinese New Year has been rather quiet this year, you were the life of the family, the one that could break the silence and age gap. Probably the whole family is still missing you. And you'll always be sorely missed. Dear Aunt.

Lies

I could do so
who I am, what I am, what I want, what I need, my ambitions, my plans, my deepest desires, myself.

but not my convictions. My convictions cant lie, they ought to speak for itself someday.

Moonriver

wider than a mile, i'm crossing you in style,

someday.
in a far distant future.

Tread

I ought to take them more lightly as well.

To the ends of the earth it is then?

My steps

I ought to take them more carefully, more wisely.

Kneeling in church today was a humbling experience. It reminds me, that truly, I have nothing without God. I felt a renew sense of conviction. For this weary world, for the lost, for the unloved, for the unfairly treated, for the so much unfairness this world has bottled up. Such big change, yet so powerless.

I've been telling God in my prayers, I want to walk to the ends of the earth. Yet sometimes, walking over to a stranger and greeting them, or flyering to them summons more courage and strength than scaling the roof of the earth. I am not accepting that I am someone with these limitations,  I believe now that God can empower us to overcome all these. But this is still an uncomfort zone that sometimes terrifies me.

Yet i'm afraid. I'm afraid what I want to do, what I'm trying to do, or perhaps even plan to do, are right but for the wrong reasons. I'm afraid that I am motivated wrongly. I am afraid, I would hurt God.

I feel like I am digging into this rabbit hole, this hole which my right mind told me that there wont be  an end yet I am still digging into it, deeper and deeper, day by day, hands are digging but my mind is screaming to myself that this is unwise, this is wrong, my heart however screams back that it might be just because I am too cowardly, that bad experiences had left me from believing. I just want to see if there is any possible chance of finding something. A relic perhaps. But I never thought I am interested in the relic in the first place, I could not even explain why. I tried to rationalize things. But it felt like i'm giving excuses.

Lastly, I'm afraid where finally life moves on where I would have to bid goodbye. Sometimes i wish I have fleeting memories, it makes things so much easier, so much less valuable. So.Much.Less.Lettinggo. Cause i'll definitely miss those moments. The awkward, the cheeky, the weird, the beautiful, the happy, but above all else, how at peace I am, how my pace would stop by half, how although my heart is racing around, I still could feel peace of mind, peace of soul, around you, how your voice, so subtle, yet so loud and profound, so silent, yet calms the greatest oceans. And how I am motivated to be a better man, to be twice of who I am.

It's just a rant. Words stringed together cause it seems right, cause I deemed it fit. So much grammar mistakes summore.

But God, My loss has shown me that all I truly have is You. Cause it is just so.

Beneath the Silver Moon

with Matthe Perryman Jones.

and here I am, beneath it, wide awake, thinking, pondering, what is it like? how does it feels like? will it happen someday? if so, how much have I changed? if so, am I a better man that I am today? Am i twice the man I am today? Most of all, am I still James then?

One of those nights where nights where you strap your imagination to a treadmill and make it run. Or strap it on a pair of wings and slingshot it to the stars. I guess.

I'm just glad I got my appetite back today. THERE IS NO STOPPING ME NOW IPOH. I am going to eat EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING.

and 20laps!

Oceans

where my feet may fail.

You called me out upon the waters, the great unknown, where my feet may fail.

The journey of being the chairperson of CF is nothing short of a miracle. Sure, it sounds glamorous, and sounds like i'm someone on the top, or someone ready for all those challenges. Yet, truth to be told, I think God has to drag me out pulling and screaming. When I was called on, I did not felt ready at all, neither in my right mind, did I ever thought of taking up that post in the first place. It was nothing that I've planned for. Funny they say, wanna make God laugh? tell Him your plans. The only 2 reasons that I've willingly took it up was because 1. No one else was there and 2. Conviction. Just days before I am to give my answer, which was initially a 'No', i forgot what was it, but i just remember this feeling. This feeling of conviction, this feeling of compassion, to take up this opportunity, to do more and to start something that can change this campus. I would also advice you people to be caution on what you tell God, cause HE HEARS. Early last year, I told God, "God, I wanna come back to you, God, I wanna pursue my calling once more, God, whatever you called me this year, I.Will.Say.Yes." This costs me on of the toughest, craziest, sanity consuming months that follows. Yet. Rewarding.

I would be lying if I said there aren't any teeth grinding pains, teary nights or just days of anxiousness. Beginning of my term, my closest friend in University have to leave for internship, I was stranded alone, having to juggle between organizing a camp and breaking into the Chairperson posts, also have to deal with an unforeseen passing of a dear relative. Till today, I never knew what kept me sane or going in that period, I honestly believe it was by God's grace. Blood, sweat and tears. It all flowed. There was one point as well, I got angry, and I wanted to give up. I asked God, "God, why? Why only I have to give so much? Why do I have to sacrifice all these? All these which I wanted? Which I desired?" Yet God always promptly answered that its not about me and promptly led me to confess of such thoughts.

Months went by, and I love CF. Everyone there is like a family to me. The ones I enjoy their jokes, the ones where I enjoy their wisdom, and even those that irritates me. They're like a family to me and I start to feel very protective of them. However, there was a point in the 2nd semester where I felt that the committees are detached, where they are only there to do their job, and leave. I remember calling a meeting, and pointing this out, and telling them, I do not know what to do, I am not a good leader in this, what am i suppose to do? Things ended on a good mark that night, each of us held hands, and prayed. I swallowed my tears and I pray and hope there was change. Later on, there was a turn around in the committees near the end of the 2nd semester and a full change in them in the beginning of our final semester. In all honesty, I was so encouraged by them that it drove me further. They kept me going on as well. Even though I've seldom mentioned this to them.

Indonesia was definitely crazy and fun. We were almost the first batch among many to travel to so far for a retreat. It also bonded us closer more than before. During the retreat, a vision was conceived. We were going to go big on easter. We are going to look more outward this semester. For the first time, I am doing what I am convicted before I accepted this post. The following months was another round of insanity, whereby as I believed, I only got through only by the grace of God. Earlier that year, a sister shared a testimony to me, where it ended with a quote "Greater is a fool for Christ than one who is not". Without fail, the following months ahead, i was bombarded with doubts, discouragements. Classmates says that I am crazy for being so involved. Plus, my lack of time management also starts to strain me and my studies. There was a point, my supervisor for my FYP asked me, "Is this all worth it? All this you're working for, is it worth it?" Honest speaking, that moment, I kept quite, holding back tears, not tears of disappointment, but tears knowing the fact that I could not see that is worth it as well, tears that I am agreeing with a non-christian that I am a fool. But in those deep and darkest moment, God has a way of bringing you out of it. Without asking sometimes. I did not ask God, that day. I walked out. Very quietly, went to my car. I was slightly angry at God to be honest. or more like frustrated. Still, that day I met someone(family) and long story short, at the end of the day, by God's grace, it was the most encouraging day.

2 weeks later, the Easter event happened. That day was unlike any other. I do not know how to put it into words, but i was beautiful. The people working together, everyone praying together, agreeing in unison, sharing the same purpose, vision. It was beautiful. One program after another passed, and at the end of the day, during the salvation call, I was behind, I held my breath, I looked. One by one, people raised their hands. One by one, people even came out.

I stood. Clenched my hands. I teared.  I told God, "God, this is so worth it" "God, I can do this again" "God, thank you, God, thank you, God, thank you"

I know that I can't do all this. I know that It is all God. I know now, why do we need to move out of our comfort zone. I understood what faith means. It was an encounter with God, on a personal level.

What follows for the rest of the semester was everything coming together. My results were decent, somehow. I still could not explain it. My supervisors are okay with my FYP. And I even landed an internship with Microsoft. Which i could not understand how either.

Whoever will read this, Whoever that saw this, you are not suppose to be here in the first place, HAHA. But be mindful. Our God is faithful, and all things comes together for good, FOR THOSE WHO LOVES HIM AND OBEY HIM.

This journey changed me. For the good. It's not easy, but the molding process is never easy.
"Fire is the test of gold; adversity, of strong men"Jesus encountered temptation when He was fasting in the desert, and after He overcame it, angels ministered to Him. Sometimes, an encounter with God, demands desperation, demands hardships. This has been one of the most cancerous, toughest, sanity consuming journey to date, however, it is one of the happiest, rewarding, satisfying, life changing journey i've ever traveled. Great change comes with extremes. And hence, if you read this, I encourage you, the 1st right step is getting out of your comfort zone. Trust me on that.


God bless.

Saltwateroom

It's been nearly 6 months since.

There are times where you won't miss that person, just that feeling when you're in that moment.

Freedom does things

Seems like i blog more this month than the rest of the year combined. Freedom huh.

so we plead for night, and the sun keeps on spilling light.

there’s a fine line, a fine line in between
our progress and our instability.
we can’t help ourselves but hunt for more.
a design flaw? or the olive branch that proves the shore-
the catalyst we’ve waited for.

I guess, sometimes I still struggle between what I want and what I need to do. Again, I would pray, direct my steps God, sometimes even I laugh at my own plans. My foolishness is monumental sometimes.

Being completely free for the first time in 4 months has revealed to me that I have withdrawal syndrome. Not me alone apparently, 2 or 3 of my classmates are feeling the same thing. I'm feeling restless a little doing nothing, having a hard time sleeping cause my bio clock is screwed beyond description. And now the question that pops up to me, "what next?". Its like a subtle whisper that hounds on you louder that thunder.
Still. Its not all shady grey though. So glad that I made it to one of my dream companies. Never in my right mind that I would think that I could make it in. Never.

Sincerely , Thank the Almighty.

Yes,

Microsoft.

I'm caught in Your grace indeed and Your unfailing love.

Should I

stumble again, i'm caught in your grace.

but

help me, Lord, not to hurt you anymore.
Grant me wisdom to discern, strength to endure and the will to overcome. 



I believe, as of now, as clear as I could make up my head to be, I am not normal. I don't feel like I know myself anymore. I feel like i'm a different person put together.

Dear Charlie,

why are you always attracted by the impossible.

Heed the whispers of the wise man, the phrases of logic from the roof.
the heart is a witty trickster, she is a temptress, a queen of disappointment.

But, regardless.

Jumping on

Somehow the next step is filled with excitement and at the same time fear. I fear of the new things I have to take up, the new form of rejection i have to brave, new responsibilities i have shelter and the relationships which i have to let go and the new ones i have to forge. I have no idea how I am facing this, and i felt like I am facing this alone.

It's worth it

a month of questioning, laboring, sacrifices. A month of inconsistent rest, roller coaster ride of stress and burden.

Seeing those hands raised that night, last night. I stood there, teared up a little, and told God, "Dear God, this is worth it, this is so worth it".

yet i realized, weirdly.

It is also a month of me drawing closer to God, me prying a little deeper into knowing God, also a month, of me practicing "lean not on your own understanding but rely on God".

I could not have believed all this is possible, I just could not, but it did. And I shall say, Praise God.

And

we don't care about the young folks
Talking 'bout the young style
And we don't care about the old folks
Talking 'bout the old style too
And we don't care about our own faults
Talking 'bout our own style
All we care about is talking
Talking only me and you

Sometimes you'll drop by something you'll never expect you'll like and got so overly addicted to it. As unwise as it sounds. 

Ground control

we lost major Tom.

Sometimes I feel like cowering behind a wall, and hide from the world. Away from the responsibilities, away from expectations, away from necessity and just live like how I i wanted to be.

Sometimes I feel like taking that discouragingly step away from that cliff. But everytime this surge of "you'll regret it" just fuse me to take the leap. That and me sometimes hearing the echo of a long lost love sing ground control to major Tom. She was long lost for a reason and she will be deemed so in the abyss.

Merry 2014

Same shit different timing. Just go back to living the principle of "the man I am today is never as good as the man I am tomorrow".

May all of your resolutions be pursued with utter fervency and dedication my friends. Lets take this year together.